The Easter Bunny is Coming, or is he?
“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the slippery slope between right and wrong, between good and evil, and it lies between the heights of man’s hopes and the depths of his depravity. This is the dimension of rhetoric and hatred. It is an area which we call the Liberal Zone.”
“In the Liberal Zone, simple things become complicated, and good is portrayed as evil. Enter one children’s legend going about his business…not knowing that he has been cast into the Liberal Zone.”
In a surprising turn of events, the popular figure was caught up in the global economic crisis. The messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS released a statement today that directly impacts the lives of most every child in the US.
“It has come to our attention that a recipient of Stimulus money has been systematically discriminating against the most vulnerable among us. Additionally, it has been accused that this individual seemed to favor those who engage in particular religious practices. Moreover, there is evidence that stimulus money will be used to benefit those who make more than $250,000 a year. I promise a full investigation. If we find that there was discrimination, the consequences will be clear, and final. This administration will not tolerate discrimination of any kind.”
Who is this latest of pariahs? What did this person do? We’ll folks, it’s going to come to you as a surprise, but our latest scapegoat for government failure is none other than the Easter Bunny. To be “fair,” I thought I’d interview him to allow him to give his side of the story.
Me: “Thanks for joining us Mr. Cottontail.”
Peter Cottontail: “Thanks for the chance to share my story.”
Me: “No problem, I enjoyed your work for some time. My daughter is also a big fan. Now, what is the source of the controversy?”
Peter Cottontail: “The president is upset that some kids get more candy than others. I mean, that is largely determined by the parents. It’s one of the aspects of our model. If a kid doesn’t listen, or misbehaves, their parents will threaten them with less candy. We, of course, are aware of this and honor the wishes of the parents. We do give candy to all kids, regardless of income.”
Me: “I see. “What happened that you took Porkulus money?”
Peter Cottontail: “We ran into problems with suppliers. We really do business on one day a year, but the prep is year round. There were some problems with Jelly Beans and chocolate, so we had to make up the shortfall or not do Easter this year Shutting down would be terrible for the kids. Not only that, but we’d have to lay off thousands of woodland creatures that wouldn’t be able to find work elsewhere.”
Me: “You say that the government approved your plans. What is the difficulty?”
Peter Cottontail: “It’s in the legislation! Everyone is ignoring that. I’m only doing what they told me I could do. We talked extensively with the Treasury Department and Senator Clod. They approved all of this. I can’t see why the government would tell me to do something, and then get angry when I do it. Do you understand that?”
Me: “As a matter of fact I do. Let me guess, the Legion of Doom is ignoring that fact, aren’t they?”
Peter Cottontail: “They won’t even talk to me.”
This just in from Bawney Fwank, leading Congressional libtard:
“Thwis iths an outwage! I demawnd a immediawt inwestigawion! No stimuws money should go to pweeple making that mwuch mwoney! It’s dwiscrwiminatwon! I demand immwediate Congwessional heawings!”
CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE TRANSLATION: “I gwet angwy at ewythwing. If I ywell enowf, thwe shweeple will concentwate on thwat bwunny wather thwan wut we’re dwoing to thwe cwountwy! ”
Later that day the messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS spoke:
“I have asked for the resignation of the Easter Bunny. As a recipient of Stimulus money, he has demonstrated a lack of basic regard for American values of fairness and equality. I will be naming a replacement before the Easter Holiday. We are demanding that any child in a family making over $250,000 a year receive no candy, but receive a note stating that they’re making a contribution to the less fortunate.”
CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE TRANSLATION: “I’m firing the Easter Bunny! This is super-cool! We now control a holiday! Not only that, a religious holiday. SANTA YOU’RE NEXT! Lol, my minions still by all of that ‘fairness and equality’ talk. Those little rich brats need to know that if they educate themselves and work hard, we’re going to punish their snotty a**’s! Welcome to class warfare kids! ”
Towards the evening…
ACORN had organized a bus tour to the secret HQ of the besieged Easter Bunny. Unfortunately for Mr. Cottontail, the street activists lost control and burnt down his candy factory as a “bastion of capitalist exploitation! Mr. Cottontail, and most of his workers, are reported as missing.”
Easter Bunny Canceled by ACORN
“There you have it. Innocence lost, and children’s joy sacrificed at the altar of political hate. In the Liberal Zone, even the Easter Bunny isn’t immune from class warfare.”
NOTE: This is cross posted with our friends from the Conservative Beacon.
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Matt
I believe that future generations should have the same opportunities that myself, and those that came before me, had. My parents taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do. I don’t want to have to tell my daughter, “You can do whatever the government tells you to do.” We are at a crossroads in this country; are we going to be free, or are we going to be slaves to the nanny state. I choose freedom.
I guess we know what b. Hussein is having for dinner on Easter….