Life in the Liberal Zone

Tonight, we begin a new feature.  We’ll give an example of a person living in a free country.  Then, we’ll show how his life proceeds in the Liberal Zone.

Free State: Winston wakes up in the morning.  It’s already hot, but the AC is running, so he isn’t suffering.  He brews his morning coffee, get’s into his car, and drives to work. His car is properly equipped, so he can check his emails and voice mails on the way to his office.  He’s an executive at a large company, so they foot the bill for it.

Liberal Zone Version:

Hey everyone!  I’m Winston, and I live in what you call the Liberal Zone.  Mr. Evil Matt wants me to discuss how my day goes.

Well, I wake up every morning to go to my job as an ice cream salesperson.  Ever since the great messiah Obama changed the world, everyone has a job.  It’s December, so not many people stop by my cart, but the messiah demands the most of us, so I carry on. It only costs 150 Obamas for an ice cream sandwhich, so stop by some time!

I always wanted to work in one of the offices at the government towers.  My grades in socialism and diversity were always good, but I got turned down for more education.   I guess the bureau of educational advancement didn’t think I was suited for that.  My mother says it’s her fault.  The man who is in charge of our local education bureau liked my mother when they were in High School.  She said she refused to give him a blow job, and when he got into his position, he took it out on me.

I live in a government apartment near the center of town.  It usually takes a hour or so to get to my cart.  The buses usually don’t run.  The messiah says the capitalists sabotaged them, so I guess they did.  I remember my father telling me about how almost everyone had a car.  Some party officials still do, but they aren’t sustainable, so I make do.  We all have to make our contribution to the greater good, I guess. I miss my dad.  He used to talk about the old times a lot.  My mother says that’s the reason he got sent to the “camp” to be re-educated, but he never came back.

Well, I’m at the bus stop now.  I hope it shows up.  A man just sat next to me.  I think he’s one of the ACORN men.  They try to get people to say things against the messiah.  If you do, you go to one of the camps.  No one has ever come back from one.  I’ll go for now.

We’ll check in with Winston later.  We’ll see how “change” has made his life SOOOO MUCH BETTER!