Wait til You Read This!

When I saw this today, I almost thought it was some sort of joke.  Sadly, I was wrong.  Well, anyway, let’s get on with it.

Recently, the messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS nominated Cass Sunstein for the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs.  He is apparently an old friend of the messiah from the Chicago Law School, and was an influence on the young messiah.  If you have a strong stomach, and a powerful funny bone, read on.  the CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE Translation Matrix will be running at full capacity for this one.  Source here.

Quotes from, or regarding Cass Sunstein:

“A system of limitless individual choices, with respect to communications, is not necessarily in the interest of citizenship and self-government,” he wrote. “Democratic efforts to reduce the resulting problems ought not be rejected in freedom’s name.”

CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE TRANSLATION: Freedom is not to be available to the sheeple.  They can’t handle it.  It is not in the best interest of the new global citizen.  The proletariat is not to be mystified with information that has not been approved by the messiah.  Democratic (totalitarian) efforts to reduce the problems caused by dissent and liberty should be embraced and called freedom. (EXCESSIVE WORDSMITHING:  OVERLOAD IMMINENT)

WTF?!?!?!  Even the Translation Matrix had problems with this one.  This idiot proposes the government control of what people can see, say, or read, and calls it freedom?   What does he mean by resulting problems?  Disagreeing with the government, or worse, socialism?  Or is that the same thing now?

Sunstein first proposed the notion of imposing mandatory “electronic sidewalks” for the Net. These “sidewalks” would display links to opposing viewpoints. Adam Thierer, senior fellow and director of the Center for Digital Media Freedom at the Progress and Freedom Center, has characterized the proposal as “The Fairness Doctrine for the Internet.”

CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE TRANSLATION: We will force people to view to propaganda of the messiah.  No one is to escape indoctrination.

Forget what you want to read folks, the government is here to help!  We at government have decided that for your own good, we’ll filter out all of those messages about freedom, responsibility, individual choice, and liberty.  We’ll provide all of the content for you.  Never again will you be burdened with freedom!

“Apparently in Sunstein’s world, people have many rights, but one of them, it seems, is not the right to be left alone or seek out the opinions one desires,” Thierer wrote.

Later, Sunstein rethought his proposal, explaining that it would be “too difficult to regulate [the Internet] in a way that would respond to those concerns.” He also acknowledged that it was “almost certainly unconstitutional.” (emphasis added)

CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE TRANSLATION: But we haven’t let that stop us before, have we?

The only thing that really shocks me is that they are so open with it.  I honestly thought this was a joke when I first read it.  If this is what the messiah means by transparency, we’re going to have a field day.

“The modern world suffers from insufficient civility,” they wrote. “Every hour of every day, people send angry e-mails they soon regret, cursing people they barely know (or even worse, their friends and loved ones). A few of us have learned a simple rule: don’t send an angry e-mail in the heat of the moment. File it, and wait a day before you send it. (In fact, the next day you may have calmed down so much that you forget even to look at it. So much the better.) But many people either haven’t learned the rule or don’t always follow it. Technology could easily help. In fact, we have no doubt that technologically savvy types could design a helpful program by next month.”

That’s where the “Civility Check” comes in.

“We propose a Civility Check that can accurately tell whether the e-mail you’re about to send is angry and caution you, ‘warning: this appears to be an uncivil e-mail. do you really and truly want to send it?’” they wrote. “(Software already exists to detect foul language. What we are proposing is more subtle, because it is easy to send a really awful e-mail message that does not contain any four-letter words.) A stronger version, which people could choose or which might be the default, would say, ‘warning: this appears to be an uncivil e-mail. this will not be sent unless you ask to resend in 24 hours.’ With the stronger version, you might be able to bypass the delay with some work (by inputting, say, your Social Security number and your grandfather’s birth date, or maybe by solving some irritating math problem!).”

CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE TRANSLATION: (LIBERAL NONSENSE CASCADING OVERLOAD COMMENCING…) People are far too stupid to manage their own communications.  We have to do it for them.  The only angry messages allowed with be from liberals.  If you insist on making an angry comment (read: critical of the messiah) we’ll make sure you have to submit private information so we can track you down.  You may be a DANGEROUS TERRORIST if you disagree with the messiah!    (AUTOMATIC SHUTDOWN-OVERLOAD PROTECTION)!!!

Is this for freakin real??  Is this guy really asking for a waiting period on emails?  I am officially speechless, or is that the idea?

But wait!  There’s more!  When you get Cass’s epic fail censorship plan, you also get to see his classic 2004 work, Animal Rights: A Very Short Primer.

In his 2004 book, “Animal Rights,” he wrote: “Animals should be permitted to bring suit, with human beings as their representatives …”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Judge: “Your witness.”

Lawyer 1: ” Could you state your name for the court?”

Cow: “Moooo”

Lawyer 1: “OK Mr. Moo, if you think that Farmer Brown is a Fascist and that the government should confiscate his land, say “moo.”

Cow: “Moo.”

Lawyer 2: “I object Your Honor, “moo” is the only thing this animal can say!”

Judge: “Silence! this noble beast has more rights than you !”

Cow: (Takes a sh- in the courtroom.) “Mooooooo.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I really want this guy confirmed!  We could extract years of silly puns and terrible jokes from this guy!  Pleeeeeease?!?!?!?!