A Ministry of Truth Production
ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!
Narrator: Welcome everyone! Every network and website is broadcasting this momentous occasion, so there’s no excuse! The messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS is about to introduce the new car line. There are representatives from every state industry here today. It’s a black tie affair to be sure! Wait! I’ve just been notified that the messiah has arrived and will be approaching the podium.
The messiah approaches the podium. Surrounded by teleprompters and flashing cameras, the messiah walks down an aisle through the crown, stopping to allow minions pay their respects. An MC approached the mic.
MC: Introducing the champion of change, the messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS!
Crowd: ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!!! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
The messiah approaches the podium and signals for quiet..
messiah: Thank you for the warm welcome. For too long now, the private market offered products that were not in line with our plans. With the stimulus and the bailouts, we changed all of that. Now all industries are under our control!
A lighted sign, a teleprompter, if you will, hangs on a platform above the stage, out of the camera angle. Men with sub machine guns stand to either side of the sign. A message flashes…
Yes we can!
Crowd: YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!
The messiah signals for quiet.
messiah: I am here today to share with you, the fruit of our efforts. After consulting with all political appointees, we are unveiling our new car line. If you meet eligibility for car ownership, you will be able to buy one of these fine vehicles for the fixed price of 250,000 obamas.
Sign: The messiah is blessed!
Crowd: The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed! The messiah is blessed!
The messiah gestures for quiet.
messiah: Let’s take a look at the first new car. It’s the Barak!! Maximized for personal transport by government workers inspecting state farms, the Barak is everything you need. In keeping with our policy of fairness, there are no accessories. Only a radio and GPS transponder, after all, you have to listen to state approved radio, and we need to keep track of you!
Sign: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
The messiah gestures.
messiah: Next, is the personal car of the future. If you’re related to a minion, you’ll be eligible to own the Crapelle. This car is uniquely powered, and requires no fossil fuels at all!
Sign: Amazing! Yes we can.
Crowd: Amazing! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!YES WE CAN!
The messiah gestures.
messiah: The next car we have is for the family. If you are well connected, and are permitted to own a car, we have just the thing. The Sycophant is family car of the now! There is lots of glass in the Sycophant, so don’t think you can hide anything!
Sign: ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!
Crowd: ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH! ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!
The messiah gestures for quiet
messiah: Last, but certainly not least, is the product of which I’m most proud. The Michelle! Built with the most advanced technology, the Michelle is the luxury car for the upper level minion. The Michelle is the $500 sneakers of cars!
An engineer speaks to a friend just off camera…
Engineer: There is one problem with the Michelle.
Friend: What’s that?
Engineer: If you smack Michelle in the a**, she EXPLODES!!!
Friend: Lol!
Sign: All HAIL THE MESSIAH!
Crowd: All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH! All HAIL THE MESSIAH!
Citizens! Remember to report any disloyal friends of relatives. It’s for their own good, including yours! Contact your local messiah Youth Corps Community Organizer if you suspect independent thought!
Remember to get spayed or neutered!
ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!
END TRANSMISSION…
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Matt
I believe that future generations should have the same opportunities that myself, and those that came before me, had. My parents taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do. I don’t want to have to tell my daughter, “You can do whatever the government tells you to do.” We are at a crossroads in this country; are we going to be free, or are we going to be slaves to the nanny state. I choose freedom.
I’ll take a crapelle, please.
Dr. Dave, in the new order, you will have to have a vital function, or be “connected,” to be eligible for car ownership. Are you a minion of the messiah, or related to one? Plus, you have been designated as a DANGEROUS TERRORIST by the DHS. NO CAR FOR YOU!
I have my eye on the toilet car, since the Democrats gave me IBS I can do two things at once.
Actually, you’ll get to do three. The Crapelle is powered by feces, as will much of the economy under the messiah. Sorry to hear about the IBS though!