The Liberal Zone: Liberal Jeopardy

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messiah Entertainment Network

ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!

Announcer: This is Liberal Jeopardy!

Bland, inoffensive theme music plays.

Announcer: Welcome to Liberal Jeopardy, the game show where being “politically correct” is more important than being “right.”  Here’s your host, Ward Churchill!

Sign above stage: Applaud

Crowd: Applauds half-heartedly.

WC: ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!   Welcome to Liberal Jeopardy, you little Eichmanns!  Let’s meet our contestants! Contestant one is Sally.  Welcome to Liberal Jeopardy, Sally.  Tell us a little about yourself.

Sally: Well, I’m the captain of our Gay-Lesbian-Trans-gendered -lactose intolerant-noncompetitive-intramural macramé club!  And I just want to say that I love tolerance and diversity!

Sign: Applaud loudly

Crowd: Loud Applause

WC: Well Sally, that’s great!   Let’s talk to Sam.

Sam: I’m the chairperson of our Social Justice for Albino Eskimos with Penguin-phobia.  I also love tolerance and diversity, and I was castrated so I wouldn’t contribute to the rape of the planet.

WC: Well, that’s a sacrifice we can all be proud of.

Sam: Thanks; I belong to Eunuchs for Change.

Sign: Applaud Loudly

Crowd: Applauds Loudly

WC: Now, let’s meet our third contestant, Mike.  Welcome to the show Mike.

Mike: Thanks.  I was home schooled, and I belong to the Constitution Party.

WC: JAW DROPS. Well, comrades, we have a real little Eichmann here today!

Sign: BOOOOOOOOOO!!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!!

WC: I see the screeners made a mistake.  Well Mike, you’re a Nazi capitalist swine, but you’re here.  These are the rules.  I ask questions, you try to answer them.  There are no points and no winners.  That would be unfair!  Remember that all answers must be delivered in the form of a question.  The proper phrasing is this “might be”-your answer.  After all, all truth is subjective, so there are no right or wrong answers, just proper rhetoric!

First question…who was the first human to walk on the moon?

Mike buzzes in…

Mike: Who is….

Sign: DOWN WITH HATE!!!!

Crowd: DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE1 DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE

Mike: Neil Armstrong

Crowd: DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE1 DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE!

WC: Sorry Mike, I didn’t hear your answer.

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Mike: The crowd uh, shouted me down…

Crowd: DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE1 DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE!

WC: Sorry Mike, well, not really sorry.  You don’t get to speak.  You preach hate.  Hate doesn’t get a voice.

Mike: But I didn’t do any…

Sign: DOWN WITH HATE!

Crowd: DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE1 DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE!

WC: Well, Sally, can you give us an answer?

Sally: Who might be a tool of the military industrial complex?

WC: Good enough!

Sign: Applause

Crowd: Applauds

WC: Next question… Who wrote the Constitution of the United States?

Mike buzzes in….

Crowd: DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE1 DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE!

Mike throws up his hands and steps back from the podium.

WC: Sam, your question….

Sam: Who might be capitalist swine, slave owning, white males that exploited to proletariat and set up a system of oppression?

WC: Pretty good, you got most of the talking points there!  Well-done comrade!

That’s all the time we have for today comrades.  Sam and Sally get an autographed copy of the Communist Manifesto for appearing.  Mike receives an all expense paid tip to Re-Education Camp # 90125.  Guards….

Mike is handcuffed and dragged across the stage.

Crowd: DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE1 DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE! DOWN WITH HATE!

Mike: You can’t do this to me!  I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!!!

Sign: YES WE CAN!

CROWD: YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!  YES WE CAN!

Bland, inoffensive music…

Liberal Jeopardy is a production of the messiah Entertainment Network.

Liberal Jeopardy was brought to you today by the messiah Ministry of Truth: Making sure you think what we want since 2009!

Remember to report any independent thought to your local messiah Youth Corps Community Organizer.

ALL HAIL THE MESSIAH!!!

End Transmission….

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  • Just stopping by for a minute…I’m getting way too much thrown at me this week.

    But I wanted to say that I like what you’re doing here. Keep up the good work.

  • Eunuchs for Change…I guess they did.
    Liberals who actually do what they say? Someone should call Guinness.

  • BTW, there’s another one you should look at.

  • @cbullitt. Well man, it is a parody! That, and you do have the most idiotic of the useful idiots that actually walk the walk.

    @Dr. Dave,Thanks my friend!