It’s Fascist Friday again! For the second consecutive week, Fascist Friday is actually posted on Friday!
As you may have noticed, with spring comes yards sales. Every year, the free market comes to a yard or garage near you, and people sell off their excess junk at bargain prices. This has apparently set of a warning light at the messiah’s HQ. Using the Conservative Hideout’s advanced technology, let’s take a look at what might transpire!
Entering the Liberal Zone….
A minion rushes to the messiah’s side, out of breath.
Messenger: messiah! There is a report of a free market incursion in Anytown PA! A yard sale!
the messiah looks up from his list of GM dealerships and Republican donors…
messiah: Send in the Vice President.
The Vice President is wheeled in upright on a dolly. He looks a cross between Hannibal Lechter and the “gimp” from Pulp Fiction. An aid removes his gag…
messiah: Joe, I have a job for you. Do you think you can redeem yourself?
Biden: Beeeeer??
messiah: Yes Joe, you can have beer, if you do good and don’t cause no trouble.
Biden: I won’t cause no trouble Barry, you’ll see! Tell me about how it’ll be when we have our own place Barry! Tell me about all the beers I’ll have! Blue cans, green bottles, red bottles, tell about the beers Barry!
messiah: Thinks to self, “where did I find this guy?” I’ll tell you about the beers when you do this job for me.
Biden: OOOOKAAAY BARRY!
Two days later in Anytown PA, John and Jane Doe are preparing for their yard sale, when suddenly, a SWAT Team rappels down from a helicopter. They are quickly reinforced by an armored personnel carrier that pulls up in front of their house. A limo follows. A Secret Service agent opens the door and Joe Biden emerges.
Biden: BEEER???
Secret Service Agent: Mr. Vice President, I can’t give you a beer until you’ve completed this mission.
Biden: OOOOKAY!!
He approaches Mr. Mrs Doe.
Biden: Uh, you guys ain’t allowed to do that. It’s bad!
Mr. Doe: Mr. Vice President, this is a yard sale. We aren’t doing anything wrong here.
Biden: Falls to the ground and curls up in the fetal position. He rocks back and forth, mumbling incoherently.
Secret Service Agent: (Shakes head in dismay) Call in the contingency plan!
Nancy Pelosi emerges from the limo.
Nancy Pelosi: Mr. and Mrs Doe, did you realize that this yard sale is illegal under the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008? You are selling childrens products here. You either have to spend thousands of dollars testing them for lead, or not sell them.
Mr. Doe: Wasn’t that passed to “protect” us from stuff from China that was made with lead based paint”
Pelosi: I was never briefed on that!
Mrs. Doe: I mean, wasn’t it on the news and stuff?
Pelosi: I was briefed, but only about the fact that I was briefed!
Mr. Doe: I’m confused. Ms. Speaker, what did you know, and when did you know it?
Pelosi: They lied about the whole thing! I mean… they told me, but we weren’t in power so… they lied, they lied, they lied!!!!!
Pelosi joins Biden in the Doe family’s yard, mumbling incoherantly. The Secrete Service Collects Biden and Pelosi, and leave the Does. They are confused, yet unharmed.
Two days later…
The messiah is furiously searching for the Vice President.
messiah: Rahmbo, get me a chopper, I’m going to the Vice Presidents formerly secret bunker!
Rahmbo: Is this an exploitable crisis!?!?!?! (Drools)
messiah: No Rahmbo, just something I should have done a long time ago.
One hour later….
Biden is racking back and forth, mumbling about being sorry.
Biden: Barry! I’m sorry Barry, I keep screwing up! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
messiah: It’s OK Joe, I’ll take care of everything.
Biden: Tell me about the beers Barry. Tell me about the beers…
messiah: Sure, Joe…sure. (pulls out a pistol)
A gunshot is heard. A Secret Service Agent enters, and see’s the messiah holding the pistol down at his side.
Secret Service Agent: Any problems messiah?
messiah: No, could you send for the Speaker of the House please… and clean up this mess for me.
Secret Service Agent: Of course messiah.
The messiah turns out the light and walks to the door…
Biden: Hey Barry, how come you shot me in the back of the head???
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Matt
I believe that future generations should have the same opportunities that myself, and those that came before me, had. My parents taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do. I don’t want to have to tell my daughter, “You can do whatever the government tells you to do.” We are at a crossroads in this country; are we going to be free, or are we going to be slaves to the nanny state. I choose freedom.
Obama and Biden occasionally swap gravity, just for looks.
I see. unfortunately, they don’t share teleprompters as well.
I do wonder if Obama was thinking of Biden when he made his “Special Olympics” gaffe?
Appropriately, you have Joey B. lurching behind Obugger.
Yeah, it almost seems that the messiah is atoning for his Special Olympics gaffe by keeping old Lenny pretty close!