Matt: Here’s a “classic” post from the original Conservative Hideout.
One really cool thing about the CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE Translation Matrix is that it will translate all sorts of mythical content. When I switched it on this morning, I received a message from none other than Bigfoot! Not wanting to miss an opportunity for a good story, I decided to interview him.
Me: Hello Bigfoot, thanks for contacting me. BTW, do you go by Bigfoot?
Bigfoot: Thanks for answering, FYI, my name is Bill.
Me: Mmkay, Bill it is. What was the reason for contacting me?
Bill: Well, we’re planning a protest. We’re tired of being compared to something so ridiculous that we end up looking bad. It’s defamation of character, if you ask me.
Me: OK then, I have a couple of questions then. Who are “we?” and what are you being compared to?
Bill: “We” are a variety of different monsters around the world. So far, we have Nessie, The New Jersey Devil, Champ, and the Yeti on board. What we are opposed to is the whole notion of Man Made Global Warming. It is infuriating to be compared to something that is being disproved every day! Don’t these idiots realize that the Earth is cooling?
Me: So, your issue is the lack of evidence?
Bill: Absolutely! There are pictures of Nessie, Champ, and myself. There are eyewitness sitings of all of us. There are footprints of myself and the Yeti-he’s my cousin, by the way. What is there of Global Warming? Falling temperatures?? It makes us all look bad!
Me: I see. What do you intend to do?
Bill: Initially, we we going to eat environmentalists, but we changed our minds.
Me: How come?
Bill: I ate a earth first terrorist once. Did ya know that most of them are vegans? He tasted awful, and I had terrible gas for days! Even the other monsters avoided me! As you might guess, there’s no dosage of pepto or beano for a guy my size. I just had to suffer through it. Come to think about it, so did everyone else.
Me: So what’s your plan?
Bill: Well, we’re going to hold marches and protests, but the MSM won’t cover it.
Me: ORLY???
Bill: Yeah, they said they’d rather cover a myth that fits their agenda rather than one that can be proved correct.
Me: Typical… sad, stupid, but typical. We’ll cover it though. By the way, what about the chupacabra?
Bill: Well, there’s a couple problems there. He refuses to learn English, and he’s (whispers)… an illegal immigrant.
Me: (Facepalm)
Bill: Thanks…Gotta go, Nessie is texting me. Bye, and thanks!!!
Keithford.com
There you have it folks. Mythical monsters who have more evidence on their side than does global warming. This can only happen in the Liberal Zone.
Disclaimer: No mythical creatures were harmed in the writing of this post.
Main Image Credit: RTFA
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Matt
I believe that future generations should have the same opportunities that myself, and those that came before me, had. My parents taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do. I don’t want to have to tell my daughter, “You can do whatever the government tells you to do.” We are at a crossroads in this country; are we going to be free, or are we going to be slaves to the nanny state. I choose freedom.
ROFLMAO! Classic
I had the occasional moment when I was trying to be “snarky.” Thanks!
I think I saw this guy on CNN during on one of the really big May day illegal immigrant protests that turned out to be really really small. Said he was from Canada. Wanted amnesty too. And was particularly upset that Michelle and Barry tried to imitate him in the North Carolina mountains last week.
I don’t know that they have an immigration position. I mean, they might eat the Mexicans too.