We here at Ye Olde New York Times have just received dispatches telling of an actual physical outbreak of violence between King George’s troops and angry militia members at Lexington and Concord in the colony of Massachusetts Bay.
We have long feared this moment and place the blame squarely where it belongs: With the militia of the several colonies.
The angry, anti-government, unchristian rhetoric promulgated by those in the so-called opposition could only lead to further violence. We here at Ye Old New York Times denounce the Adams’ of Massachusetts Bay and Patrick Henry of Virginia.
We ponder their words and actions and denounce them as traitors to His Most Liberal and Enlightened King George III. We further ask our readers what sort of people are these in the so-called opposition? We find that they are small, bitter men, clinging to their guns.
Yes, they cling to their so-called right to bear arms.
For what was the primary reason that the King’s troops marched out of Boston towards Concord? They had orders to find and destroy guns stored by the Concord Militia.
We ask our readers why an enlightened and free people, protected by the most Liberal and humane government in Europe need to own guns? There can be only one reason: Violence!
We at Ye Olde New York Times ask His Majesty King George to respond to this crisis in an energetic fashion. We ask him to curtail, if not outright prohibit, the private ownership of guns. We also ask his Majesty to outlaw the militia of the several colonies.
For rights are not absolute. If the so-called right of free assembly and the so-called right to bear arms lead to violence they must be eliminated. Our government cannot be allowed to become destabilized. We further add that anything that curtails the power of the State is immoral.
Patrick Henry has famously stated, “Give me liberty or give me death!”
Now that literal and not just figurative death has visited these shores we pray that the Angel of Death visit Mr. Henry and give him what he so desperately deserves! We also pray that peace be restored to the King’s Dominions.
The Editorial Board of Ye Olde New York Times
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Original Post: Manhattan Infidel