Following up on yesterday’s post where I revealed to my readers the news that Lassie had been arrested for suspicion of setting the Colorado wildfires, today I have the privilege of interviewing the out-on-bail Collie.
MI: Good afternoon Lassie.
Lassie: Good afternoon. It’s good to be here. I appreciate the opportunity to get my story out.
MI: As a condition of your bail you have to wear a paw-monitoring bracelet. How is that for you?
Lassie: It’s a bitch but it does have benefits. The ladies dig it. They say it makes me seem dangerous.
MI:: Interesting. So. You’re gay right?
Lassie: Huh?
MI: Well I heard today that a major Hollywood superstar was coming out of the closet. And there is no one bigger than Lassie.
Lassie: That was Anderson Cooper you moron.
MI: Anderson Cooper gay? Yeah right. Next thing you’ll tell me Ricky Martin is gay.
Lassie: He is. They both are! They are both gay!
MI: Do you hang out with them? Maybe go to gay socials together?
Lassie: What the hell are you talking about? And what the hell is a gay social?
MI: You tell me. You’re the gay one.
Lassie: For the last time I’m not gay! Now can we talk about the charges against me?
MI: So you’re not gay?
Lassie: Well if you fill up my food dish I might sniff your groin. But that’s simply Quid pro quo, not a lifestyle thing.
MI: I see. Not a lifestyle thing. So I’ll ask you again. Are you, Lassie, gay?
Lassie: No!
MI: No? What about this photo?
MI: Or this one?
Lassie: These are stills from movies I did. My character is beloved by children. I help them.
MI: Right. It’s simply the character you were playing. Or might one say you were playing yourself. Lassie, the gay dog?
Lassie: God you are a f#%**g idiot!
MI: I don’t know. I think my questions have been very nuanced.
Lassie: Who did you say you were again?
MI: I’m the Manhattan Infidel. I have a very popular blog.
Lassie: You told me you were with the New York Times! And you’re nothing but a blogger?
MI: Sometimes in the pursuit of a big story one must resort to subterfuge.
Lassie: Get the hell out! I swear I am so close to biting you in the groin!
MI: Interesting that you would want to attack my groin. And you insist you’re not gay?
Lassie: That’s it. This interview is over. You’re a motherf#$## idiot.
And so ended my interview with the recently out-of-the-closet gay dog Lassie. It was a difficult story to break but I, the Manhattan Infidel, will spare no pains to bring the facts to my readers.
Original Post: Manhattan Infidel
Good grief. Now I can’t stop laughing. Great stuff, MI.