Accordingly, starting on Thursday July 12, 2012, all those who do not visit my blog will be taxed 55% of your base earnings. I do this because I care about America it will make me richer. This tax, or penalty, or as I like to call it “Tenalty” will be applied towards making America a better, healthier place I want your money.
Some of you may questions, such as:
- Is this legal?
- Does the Constitution allow it?
- Are you sure you’re 18?
- Just touch it; and
- Crap it’s the cops. Run!
Rest assured. My plan to tax you for not visiting my blog is totally legal and falls within both the commerce and taxing powers of congress. But don’t take my word for it. I asked Chief Justice John Roberts (pictured here) if I could impose a tax. This is what he said:
Ya. Legal. Very legal. Ve have vays of imposing taxes!
Again, you may have follow-up questions such as:
- How will you enforce this tax?
- Since when it is a crime to pull my pants down in an alleyway?
- She said she was 18 and if we can’t trust people to tell the truth then society is doomed
- She said she had a penis but that’s she’s a tranny and she can be all women if I want; and
- He said he had a penis and that I’d have to pay the penis tax, or penalty.
I have a fool-proof plan to enforce this tax for the benefit of America your money belongs to me. It’s quite simple and ingenious really. Utilizing voting registration and DMV records I will have Gallagher drop by your place of residence and smash watermelons in front of you until you break down and agree to pay my tax.
While I find the idea of taxing a free peoples painful give me your money serfs! this is necessary.
I ask all readers to voluntarily and cheerfully pay this tax. Do it for America. Do it for me. Do it for Gallagher. Please people. Let’s not give him another heart attack!
Note: The following announcement has been sponsored by the “Your Money Belongs to Me, the Manhattan Infidel Foundation.”
Note: The Your Money Belongs to Me, The Manhattan Infidel Foundation is a tax-exempt limited liability Delaware corporation.
Note: Any questions on your tax-liability to me, the Manhattan Infidel, will be answered as soon as I can set up my wireless router here at my tax-dodge, luxury home, modest office in the Barbados.
Note: She said she was eighteen!
Original Post: Manhattan Infidel (Click the link or pay up!)