Over the years at Manhattan Infidel I have had the pleasure of interviewing many figures one on one but today I will have the my first ever roundtable discussion.
MI: Good day to you all gentlemen.
Morrissey: I weep for the Earth.
JC: You have no soul!
MB: I can have you banned!
Horse: It’s always a pleasure.
MI: The rules of the roundtable are simple. I will propose a topic and you chime in when you have something to say. Okay. Topic no. 1. Thomas Aquinas gave five proofs for the existence of God. Did he prove his case?
MI: Anyone? Anyone want to comment on this?
MI: Anyone? Okay, moving on to topic no. 2 -
JC: Was Aquinas Catholic?
MI: Yes he was.
JC: Soulless sexuality denying bastard!
MB: Did Aquinas drink 32 ounce Big Gulps? Did he use Styrofoam?
Morrissey: I don’t know who he was but I feel sad.
Horse: I think he proved the issue.
MI: Horse, do you mind amplifying your answer?
Horse: Sure. I think Aquinas -
Morrissey: Excuse me. Did I tell you I was sad?
MI: Please, let the horse finish.
MB: Why are you sad? From indigestion? Indigestion from drinking 32 ounce soft drinks? 32 ounce soft drinks delivered in Styrofoam?
Morrissey: I’m sad because of all the straight men in this world. Straight men cause war. If more men were homosexual there would be no wars. Because homosexual men would never kill other men, whereas heterosexual men love killing other men.
MB: If we can only get all the straight men to stop using Styrofoam perhaps they wouldn’t kill each other.
JC: I bet you Catholics use Styrofoam, those sexuality denying sick f*cks.
MI: Gentlemen I must insist on the proprieties at all times. Do not interrupt the horse.
Horse: Thank you. I -
MB: Horse, are you familiar with Styrofoam?
Horse: Yes. Sometimes in the field I see discarded Styrofoam. People shouldn’t litter.
Morrissey: I bet it was a straight man who littered. They do this before they kill.
JC: Probably Catholic too. Catholics litter because of the sickness in their souls from denying human sexuality. Jenny McCarthy told me so.
MB: If elected to a fourth term I promise to ban straight, Styrofoam-using Catholic men. I can do that. I’m the Mayor.
Morrissey: Oh Mayor Bloomberg if only you weren’t straight. I’d cry for you.
MI: Okay I see this was a mistake. This roundtable is going nowhere. Horse, would you like to have this discussion elsewhere?
Horse: I’d love to but right now I have to go mount a few fillies. I’m officially out to stud you know.
MI: Maybe some other time then.
JC: Horse I like you. I like your free sexuality. Obviously you’re not Catholic.
Morrissey: Too bad you’re straight. I cry when I think about the wars you’ll start.
MB: If you see any Styrofoam when you’re mounting a filly could you do me a favor and put it in the trash?
MI: Okay I’ll just leave now.
JC: Yeah, get out of here you sick, sick demented soulless Catholic.
Morrissey: War monger!
Horse: Hey can anyone tell me where Sarah Jessica Parker hangs out? I want to mount that filly.
Note: My first attempt at a roundtable was obviously unsuccessful. But maybe the participants just didn’t have the chemistry. I’ll try again another time with different players ~ Manhattan Infidel.
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