I recently received a message from none other than Bigfoot! Not wanting to miss an opportunity for a good story, I decided to interview him.
Me: Hello Bigfoot, thanks for contacting me. BTW, do you go by Bigfoot?
Bigfoot: Thanks for answering, FYI, my name is Bill.
Me: Mmkay, Bill it is. What was the reason for contacting me?
Bill: Well, we are planning a Earth Day protest. We’re tired of being compared to something so ridiculous, that we end up looking bad.
Me: OK then, I have a couple of questions then. Who are “we?” and what are you being compared to?
Bill: “We” are a variety of different “mythical creatures” around the world. So far, we have Nessie, Champ, and the Yeti on board. What we are opposed to is the whole notion of Man Made Global Warming. It is infuriating to be compared to something that is being disproved every day! Don’t these idiots realize that the Earth is cooling?
Me: So, your issue is the lack of evidence?
Bill: Absolutely! There are pictures of Nessie, Champ, and myself. There are eyewitness sitings of all of us. There are footprints of myself and the Yeti-he’s my cousin, by the way. What is there of Global Warming? Falling temperatures?? Snow and ice?? It makes us all look bad!
Me: I see. What do you intend to do?
Bill: Initially, we we going to eat environmentalists, but we changed our minds.
Me: How come?
Bill: I ate a Earth First terrorist once. Did ya know that most of them are vegans? He tasted awful, and I had terrible gas for days! Even the other monsters avoided me! As you might guess, there’s no dosage of pepto or beano for a guy my size. I just had to suffer through it.
Me: So what’s your plan?
Bill: Well, we’re going to hold marches and protests on Earth Day, but the MSM won’t cover it.
Me: Oh Really?!?
Bill: Yeah, they said they’d rather cover a myth that fits their agenda rather than one that can be proved correct.
Me: Typical… sad, stupid, but typical. We’ll cover it though. By the way, what about the chupacabra?
Bill: Well, there’s a couple problems there. He refuses to learn English, and he’s (whispers) an illegal immigrant.
Bill: Thanks…Gotta go, Nessie is texting me. Bye, and thanks!!!
There you have it folks. Mythical creatures ignored, who have more evidence on their side than does global warming. This can only happen in the Liberal Zone, and on Earth Day.
Disclaimer: No mythical creatures were harmed in the writing of this post.
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