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Batgirl Sues Batman, Robin

Famous Gotham City crime fighter Batgirl has filed a lawsuit against fellow crime fighters Batman and Robin, citing, “a pattern of sexual abuse and defamation of character resulting in a loss of promotion opportunities.”

The Latest Edition of Survivor – Texas Style!

Hat/Tip to Woodsterman. Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: “Survivor – Texas Style!” The contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed through Mission, up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth, and finally back to Dallas. Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with 14 bumper stickers which will read: I’m a Democrat Amnesty for Illegals I Love the […]

Lucky the Leprechaun to be Deported!

Seeking to beat congressional Republicans at their own game, the Obama administration announced today the popular breakfast cereal Lucky Charms has been declared a “controlled substance” and that their mascot Lucky the Leprechaun, will be deported back to Ireland. “Republicans are always saying ‘secure the border’ “ said the President at a campaign rally. That’s all they care about.  Keeping immigrants out of this country.  This is a nation of undocumented workers.  So sue me for not enforcing the law.  To show the do-nothing Republicans to be careful what they wish for I have ordered the arrest of Lucky the […]

NFL Team Names Are Racist or Something!

In the weeks since the Washington Redskins were denied a trademark for their name many commentators have spoken for and against the ruling.  Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we applaud the ruling.  I have many native American friends (respectable peaceful ones, not the ones that go on the warpath and scalp the white man.) Denying the Washington Native Americans a trademark is only the beginning.  We feel that many other NFL teams should not only be denied a trademark but should be forced to change their names. (Trigger warning:  Offensive terms will be used in the following […]

Apartment Manager tells tenant he cannot display the US Flag – IN his own home!

Hat/Tip to WeaselZippers and ABC10. A Patriotic American in Santee, California (where else?) has been told that he cannot display his American Flag, INSIDE his own home. A Santee man said he was told he could not display the American flag inside his apartment window, but management will not tell him why. Steve Roberts is a proud to be an American. His father served in the military for more than 25 years. “The American flag, it means to me freedom,” Roberts told 10News. A year ago, Roberts bought an American flag and hung it across his front window, inside his […]

Book Flub Of America

“I think my record speaks for itself.” — Hillary Clinton Well, maybe the big-screen version of Hillary’s opus apologia will have to wait.  Current sales on Amazon have Hard Choices limping in at #19, behind My Mother Was Nuts.

Executive Order Creates New Department of Feline Education

President Obama today issued a sweeping executive order creating the Federal Department of Feline Education. “America faces perhaps no greater threat than feral cats mired in the vicious cycle of poverty” declared the President in a Rose Garden ceremony. Many are familiar with the tragic case in New York City where signs were placed in the Gateway National Recreation Area warning felines that they cannot live in cat colonies on Federal property.  Because of the high illiteracy rate among feral cats many could not read the sign resulting in the colony being tragically killed by a SWAT team.  Americans are […]

Have You Considered a Career in the CIA?

As many young people have recently graduated college they may receive employment brochures in the mail.  As a public service to my readers I now present one of them: Hello to all recently graduated college students.   My name is John O. Brennan and I am the director of the Central Intelligence Agency.  Many of you are no doubt wondering what sort of career path do you want to take?  Is a career as a civil servant for me?  My major was puppetry and I minored in patriarchal oppression.  Does this qualify me for a career in the CIA?  I am 100,000 […]

Budget Tips From Hillary Rodham Clinton

Budgets. We all have to make them and follow them.  At the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we follow very strict budget:  Thirty dollars a week for food, 300 dollars a week for hookers and 400 a week for ointments, creams, gags, whips and assorted “funsize” toys.  And we all know what happens when one goes over budget:  Take a cash advance and go further into debt. With that in mind recently former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was quoted that she was “dead broke” when she and her husband left the White House.  I recently had a chance to […]

Bad Actors

“Do you believe in the Easter Bunny? Do you believe in Santa Claus? Do you believe that Lois Lerner’s emails suddenly went ‘poof?’” –John King “Somewhere, Richard Nixon is chuckling bitterly to himself. When it comes to burying scandal, Tricky Dick was an amateur compared to the gang in the White House today.” – Thomas Lifson Spoiler alert: A suspicious computer crash and the disappearance of crucial evidence in the IRS case alarms the normally subservient mainstream media while the White House and the Democrats claim “conspiracy” in this episode of the D.C. crime drama The Clodfather,  produced and directed […]

Junkyard Prog

  “Bismarck once said, ‘God looks after drunks, children, and the United States of America.’ The Almighty has apparently been busy in the bars and playgrounds since 2009.” – J.R. Dunn If the Obama presidency was an automobile, it’d be unceremoniously towed to the closest junkyard. What else can you do with a banged-up flivver that burns gas, has no brakes, always pulls to the left, and only runs in reverse?  There’s no fixing this lemon. The design was flawed from the beginning.  The Obamamobile — unsafe at any speed.

Despite Featuring American Flag in their own logo, DNC Honors Wrong flag on Flag Day

Hat/Tip to the Tea Party News Network. You would think that the brainiacs over at the DNC would know that our country’s standard, the flag that we fly over EVERY single government building in the nation is the flag that we honor on Flag Day. But if you thought that, you’d be wrong. From TPNN: You’ve got to hand it to the Democrat National Committee (DNC), led by the “patriotic” Debbie Wasserman Schultz.  They sure do know how to honor the American flag.  Saturday was “Flag Day,” the day in which Americans celebrate the red, white and blue in all […]

Hey, There’s a Place You Can Go and Not Dress Up; Unlike Walmart!

I know what you’re thinking; “how could there be a place that one can shop without dressing up, like Wal-mart?   Well, IOwntheWorld has found it… I’ve always struggled to find a shopping experience that did not require formal wear.  Thanks to Dollar Palace, we can all go business causal for shopping! But just how casual do you have to be to NOT dress up like these Wal-Mart shoppers?

Workout Like Obama!

Like all bloggers I have an extensive workout regimen.  Up at the crack of dawn for a ten-mile jog.  Then a 20-mile bike run.  Then I head to the gym for some weight-lifting. Okay, so all that was a lie.  It’s from my eHarmony profile.  It impresses women. Recently our Commander-in-Chief was photographed in Poland working out in the hotel gym. Not since John Kennedy had six naked women in the White House pool has a president extended his body like this.  As a member of the MSM I vowed not to rest until I could get a copy of […]

I Checked My Privilege!

Since my semi-retirement, I missed the whole “check you privilege” nonsense.  Here is my official reply… I checked my privilege.  It’s on a shelf between pixie dust and my last jar of  unicorn farts-filed under “Mythical Nonsense.” Pixie Dust-pure, not the cheap sh*t from Wal-Mart Oh, and unicorn farts cure global warming.  Don’t ya know? Um, they’re a bit dangerous too. Note:  Don isn’t feeling well today, so prayers would be in order.

Fight Night! Obama Battles Economy in Steel Cage Death Match!

  The Scene:  Friday night, somewhere in America. First Announcer:  Welcome to fight night. We have an exciting match for you.  Tonight President Obama will be fighting the United States Economy in a steel cage death match. Second Announcer:Yes and as you know there has been a history of bad blood between these opponents. First Announcer:This all started when Obama called the U.S. economy “vulgar and capitalist” and vowed to replace it with a socialist worker’s paradise. Second Announcer:  That didn’t sit well with the economy who pointed out his long history of providing the best standard of living on […]

Membership Has Its Privileges!

Dear Sir: Enclosed please find your membership card for the National Organization of Outraged Progressives.  Thank you for joining us. As you may know the National Organization of Outraged Progressives has for almost half a decade been at the forefront of spotting white privilege in all shapes and forms. It was the National Organization of Outraged Progressives that stopped a local lemonade stand from selling its wares.  Why?  They would only sell light colored lemonade and not the darker flavors. It was the National Organization of Outraged Progressives that stopped a two-year old from sucking on his pacifier.  Why?  Because […]

My Exclusive Interview with Episcopalian Bishop Gene Robertson

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the privilege of interviewing retired Episcopalian Bishop Gene Robertson.  Many know Robertson as the first openly gay bishop, whose ordination nearly resulted in a schism in the worldwide Anglican communion.   MI: Good afternoon Bishop Robertson. BGR: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  Are you gay? MI: No but I do enjoy musical theater. BGR:What? MI: It’s an old joke.  Anyway, you are openly gay.  When you were ordained bishop you were in a committed relationship with your life partner, Mark Andrew. BGR:Yes.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  We have been together for 25 years.  He is my […]

Thank You For Applying for a Position at the New York Times

Dear applicant: Thank you for applying for a position at the New York Times.  As you may be aware the position of Executive Editor was recently vacated by Jill Abamson, after it was discovered that she was a real woman and not one of the fake ones we in the newsroom enjoy hanging out with. While Ms. Abramson’s firing may us make look bad in the short run, we’d like to assure all applicants that the New York Times is committed to diversity, as this recent photo of our newsroom makes clear. Yes. That person in the blue shirt.  No not that […]

Family has 7 cats

I’m thinking that hairballs and scratched up furniture are the least of their worries…   A BRAZILIAN family have taken the trend for exotic pets to new extremes. Not content with the standard pooch or moggy, the Borges brood have been sharing their home with a pack of SEVEN tigers. Aryas Borges, began his love affair with tigers when he found two of the big cats living in a bad state at a circus — and decided to bring them home. His daughters Nayara, 20, Uyara, 23, and Deusanira, 24, grew up sharing their meals, beds and playtime with the […]

Clay Aiken Kills Again!

Cold blooded murderer Clay Aiken in a campaign photo. Clay Aiken, American Idol runner up, homosexual activist and cold blooded mass murderer has done it again.  Aiken who ran for congress from North Carolina’s 2nd congressional district against Keith Crisco, murdered his opponent today after Crisco refused to concede the election. Crisco, 71, was found dead in his home, the victim of an apparent fall. Officially the death has been labelled an accident by the coroner though everyone knows it was murder. “It was Aiken.  Definitely Aiken” said the coroner. Ever look into the eyes of Clay Aiken?  They are […]

The Left’s Absurd Political “Debate” Clichés All at Once

This is absolutely priceless.   .

Amber Alert Issued For Missing US Foreign Policy

Your LOL for the day, courtesy of The DuffelBlog… WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington-area police have issued an Amber Alert and are seeking the public’s help in locating a missing 238-year old foreign policy for the United States. The foreign policy was described as wholly consistent with our national security interests, while also balancing the needs for human rights, labor, business and the environment. It answers to the Obama Doctrine, the Bush Doctrine, the Clinton Doctrine, the Powell Doctrine, the Weinberger Doctrine, and the Domino Theory. When last seen it was speaking softly and carrying a big stick. Police are looking […]

You Picked the Wrong House: Squatters take Veteran’s home & make it their own – almost

You don’t tug on superman’s cape You don’t spit into the wind You don’t pull the mask off that old lone ranger And you don’t mess around with Jim You Don’t Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce Yet, that’s exactly what Julio Ortiz and Fatima Cardosa did. They decided to “occupy” Army Spc. Michael Sharkey’s house in New Port Richey Florida and moved into his house while he was serving his country, deployed in Afghanistan, and stationed in Hawaii. Two squatters who took over a house in [New] Port Richey in Florida got slightly more than they bargained for […]

Earth Day 2014: Mythical Creatures Plan Protest

Here is another classic CH 2.0 post in honor of Earth day 2014. I recently received a message from none other than Bigfoot! Not wanting to miss an opportunity for a good story, I decided to interview him. Me: Hello Bigfoot, thanks for contacting me. BTW, do you go by Bigfoot? Bigfoot: Thanks for answering, FYI, my name is Bill. Me: Mmkay, Bill it is. What was the reason for contacting me? Bill: Well, we are planning a Earth Day protest. We’re tired of being compared to something so ridiculous, that we end up looking bad. Me: OK then, I […]