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The Easter Bunny Hates You: The Prequel 2014

Yesterday, I ran a shocking and alarming story regarding the violent nature of the Easter Bunny. Following that post, I was troubled by the thought, “why?”  Why is the Easter Bunny so incredibly violent? Why has he lashed out at humanity?  And, come to think of it, where did he learn his advanced fighting skills? Well, the crack investigative team at the CH 2.0 took the challenge, and set out to answer these questions.  We have found a video that explains it.  Here it is… I strongly recommend that you avoid contact with the Easter Bunny at all costs.   If […]

Help NBC Create Its Next Gay Sitcom Smash!

We’ll have a gay old time! Good news for all struggling writers, would-be writers, those curious about writing, those curious about writing but don’t want anyone to find out, those who wrote once but stopped because of shame and those who secretly write every Friday night in the bushes in Central Park. NBC needs help!  No, not meds for their executives.  NBC wants you to write their next sitcom! (That’s short for “situation comedy” for those of you who aren’t in the business.) As with anything in life, there are rules.  All NBC asks is that the sitcom “reflect the […]

Friday Frivolity: The Lament of the Chocolate Bunnies

Easter approaches, and as we get ready to celebrate, untold millions of chocolate bunnies are about to meet their end.   Here is a pic that I have titled, The Lament of the Chocolate Bunnies. Please, just remember the chocolate bunnies, won’t you?

This Week In Unnecessary Censorship

One of my favorite late night features of Jimmy Kimmel’s  This Week In Unnecessary Censorship.  Here is last week’s segment… Gotta admit it’s funny, don’t you?  

Was James Franco’s Attempt to Lure an Underage Girl to a Hotel Room Caused by Global Warming?

Hi. I’m James Franco and 100-watt light bulbs increase my sex drive. Scandal rocked the tight-knit show biz community as it was alleged that award-winning actor James Franco tried to lure an underage girl to a hotel room for a tryst. When the news broke the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel sprang into action.  Dammit I used my safe word!  Stop! First off one must applaud the novelty of an actor trying to hook with an underage girl.  Props to you, Mr. Franco.  Props to you. But as much as I would like to applaud him it is my job […]

Manhattan Infidel (Finally) Examines the Mystery of Malaysian Flight 370

As always the fault lies with Sarah Palin In the weeks since the disappearance of Flight 370 many theories have been formed about what happened. I have been asked to put in my two cents.  Due to a previous commitment this opium den is like home to me I have been unable to before today. I will now divide the more prevalent theories into the not likely, the probable and the most likely.  I ask my readers to please not try this at home.  Remember, I am a professional blogger. The Not Likely Human error It has been theorized that human […]

Pope Meets Idiot

The Vatican supports the differentially-abled. My security guards will now show you out   In perhaps the greatest example of Christian forbearance and humility, Pope Francis, leader of the world’s Roman Catholics, met today with an idiot. The idiot from the United States arrived at the Vatican accompanied by fifty vehicles and heavily-armed security guards for his private meeting. “America is a great country” said Francis. What other country would treat an idiot like this?  They give him an escort with not one, not two, but fifty vehicles.  Truly America is a Christian nation. Escorted to meet the Pope, the […]

Business Prefers to Serve democrats over Conservatives

In a controversial and discriminatory move, a business has openly stated the desire to serve democrats, rather than Conservatives. Woodsterman has the horrific details! Well, when you consider the context, I guess this kind of discrimination is a good thing!  

Keith Richards Writes Children’s Book!

I do not like green eggs and heroin.   Keith Richards, legendary guitarist for the Rolling Stones, has announced that he is writing a children’s book.   “It’s true” said Mr. Richards on his website.   I have just become a grandfather for the fifth time, so I know what I’m talking about. The bond, the special bond, between kids and grandparents is unique and should be treasured. I hope one day to have grandchildren.  What?  Five of them?  Are you sure?  How did this happen?  I don’t even remember having kids.   We here at the worldwide headquarters of […]

How it’s Unmade: The Oreo Cookie

We’ve all seen the “How it’s Made” shows.  But, have you ever seen the equally educational and informative sequel, “How it’s Unmade?”  Here’s a segment on the versatile Oreo… “The water is extracted for use in rivers.”  Who would have known that Oreo cookie is so instrumental to the economy and ecology? H/T:  Motor City Times

Mottos for Majors: Describing Your College Major with Truth in Advertising

What if you college or university were really honest about your choice in major?  Well, here is a major chart to guide you… Well, I hope everyone found that to be education.  Now, go out and pick that major carefully! H/T: Tickld

Pinocchio Sues Plastic Surgeon Over Botched Rhinoplasty!

I just want to be normal again. Wooden but normal. Famed wooden actor Pinocchio has responded to rumors of possible plastic surgery by announcing he did have “slight work” done on his nose and that the procedure went “horribly wrong” and has “negatively impacted” his life. According to papers filed with the Second District Court in Brooklyn, Pinocchio is asking for 20 million in damages for “mental anguish and loss of future income” against the plastic surgeon who performed the surgery last year. “Being an actor I’m under constant pressure to look my best” said Pinocchio in his deposition. Younger actors, […]

Alec Baldwin to Leave Public Life; My Exclusive Sit-Down With the Acclaimed Actor

I am tired of being oppressed!   Television personality Alec Baldwin, fed up with the demands of fame, has announced his intention to leave public life for good. Since the mission statement of the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel says clearly that “no stone will be left unturned in pursuit of the truth” (1) I have invited Mr. Baldwin to explain his reasons for leaving public life.   (1) My mission statement also mentions frequent lap dances from Minka Kelly   Manhattan Infidel would you like a lap dance?   but for the purposes of this post we will concentrate on pursuit […]

Not Working Will Set You Free

Not working will set you free.   With the news that the Affordable Health Care Act may cause two million people to leave the labor force, the Obama administration was quick to note the benefits that this will bring.   “Not working will set you free” declared press Secretary Jay Carney.   For the first time in recorded history people will be free not to work.  Imagine that. Instead of being forced to earn a living wage, probably because of cold-blooded Republican economic policies, people will be truly free. Free to devote time to traveling the globe.  Free to work […]

Your Orientation Letter From the Federal Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Labor Settlements

Welcome to your education camp. May your stay be a productive one! Hello American: You are receiving this letter because you have been identified as having incorrect sentiments. According to your email and internet history you have expressed displeasure with the Federal government. While as an American you may be used to a certain degree of so-called free speech, your sentiments have proven that you are a danger to the State.  As a living, breathing entity, the State cannot tolerate threats from extremists such as yourself.   Therefore under the “Correct Thinking and Loyalty to the State” Act passed by […]

Smeagol, Maggie Lawson Break Up

Be my precious! My precious   Smeagol, formerly of the Shire,  and actress Maggie Lawson of USA’s Psych (pictured here)   He was so different than the other men I meet in Hollywood   have announced that they are ending their relationship.    “I hoped it wouldn’t come to this” said Lawson.   At first everything was fine between us.  I was attracted to his confidence.  And his ability to catch fish.  He was so different than the men I would meet in Hollywood. Actors have no confidence.  And they suck at fishing.  But anyway we started dating. He was […]

Manhattan Infidel Presents the Bill de Blasio Safe Driving Template™

Silly citizen! Rules are for serfs!   Shortly after announcing a 62-point safe streets initiative, the car containing Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (better known by his stage name of Bill de Blasio) was filmed violating traffic laws including, but not limited to, going 15 miles over the speed limit, making illegal turns, driving through intersections and going past stop signs on several occasions.   With this in mind I now present the Bill de Blasio Safe Driving Template™.  (Silly citizen.  Rules are for serfs!)   The best way to get to an event on time is The subway Plan ahead […]

Video Spoofs Democrats’ ObamaCare Spin

Regardless of how Obama, the Democrats and your limited intelligence liberals try to spin it, Obamacare is crippling the United States. After watching the funny video check THIS LINK for more fun facts about how Obamacare is hurting the American people and small businesses. Via: TPPN Hilarious Must Watch Video Spoofs Democrats’ ObamaCare Spin Liberals who are grossly ignorant and are so stupid they can’t find themselves in a mirror, repeat the same line of crap that comes out of Obama’s mouth. They can’t think for themselves so repeating like parrots is all they can do. They claim the Republicans have held […]

Manhattan Infidel Examines the 2016 Presidential Field

Even though 2016 is still two years away many are already speculating on the possible presidential contenders.  As a service to my readers I now present my take on those who may or may not run in 2016. First up:  The Democrats. Hillary Clinton  The former first lady, senator from New York and Secretary of State remains the clear front-runner among Democrats. She has over 40 years of Democratic policy making experience and was key in impeaching Richard Nixon.  This will clearly be in her favor.  On the negative side she will be 68 in 2014 and hasn’t been hot […]

Scared Straight vs. Liberal Arts Education

Want to major in 19th Century Belgian Lesbian Poetry?  You might change your mind after you see this.  You’ve all heard of Scared Straight, a program to keep kids off drugs.  But, have you heard of Scared Straight to keep people from liberal arts education? Every year, untold numbers of students graduate with degrees that qualify them to do little more than ask, “do you want fries with that?”  And, if the unions force the workers into a union, they’ll be replaced by machines! You might go to college, and get a liberal arts education.  While that means that you’re […]

Al-Qaeda Franchise Owner Discouraged by Government Regulations

I just want to kill the infidel. Why must I provide health insurance? For as long as he could remember, Abdul wanted to run his own business. “I wanted to work for myself and make a living doing it.” he said. And I also wanted to kill the infidel. Hey, who wouldn’t.  And I’m good at killing the infidel.  Granted, not as good as I am at boy love, but pretty damn good nevertheless. At the age of 20 Abdul opened his first al-Qaeda franchise, offering out of work Muslims the chance to kill infidels, as well as deliver delicious […]

Obama’s Facebook ‘Look Back’ Video Revealed by SooperMexican!

Leave it to SooperMexican, with a notable assist from the Morlock Revolt, to find President Obama’s Facebook “Look Back Video.”  Here it is, in all it’s glory… Thanks again to SooperMexican, and the Morlock Revolt, for bringing this important “Look Back Video” to the world.

The Times They Are a-Changin’: Bob Dylan Makes Superbowl Commercial

I am not Charlie Sheen! Those of you who were watching the Superbowl like me were probably surprised to see Charlie Sheen doing a commercial.  Surprise turned to shock when I found out that it wasn’t in fact Charlie Sheen but Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan?  The counterculture icon?  Doing a commercial for Chrysler?  That would be almost as bad as America voting for a socialist tyrant.  Twice.  Wait.  Never mind that actually happened. Anyway, for my readers who may have missed it I now present Bob Dylan’s Superbowl commercial.  Weep.  Weep for America. Is there anything more American than America? […]

Pete Seeger Killed by Whale

I love whales! Like that one over there who is….OH MY GOD IT’S EATING ME! Famed banjo player and unemployed person Pete Seeger was killed today while strolling along the banks of the Hudson River near his home in Beacon, New York. The famed peace activist, environmentalist and folk singer had told friends he was going out to stroll along the Hudson River to check for pollutants. “Pete always did this” said a friend. Every morning, no matter what the weather was he’d go down to the riverbank. Though he hated calling it a riverbank.  ”Bank implies capitalism, which I […]

Tips to Survive the Captain and Tennille Divorce Apocalpyse

God is dead and it’s time to loot and burn! Toni Tennille, one half of the singing duo of The Captain and Tennille, best know for their hit single, “Love Will Keep Us Together” has announced that she is seeking a divorce from the Captain, her husband of 39 years. The Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel has been expecting this news for some time now.  As the social fabric of this once great nation continues to unravel the divorce of the Captain and Tennille can only mean that the last strands of civilization left are gone. Loyalty.  Tradition.  Custom. Morality. […]