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Greatest Hits: I’m a democrat; You Owe Me

I’m a Democrat; You Owe Me:  Snarky Basterd took a shot at democrats, and did not miss. I’m a democrat. You owe me. I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me. I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how […]

Greatest Hits: Brutal Civil War Rages on Island of Misfit Toys

Brutal Civil War Rages on Island of Misfit Toys:  Manhattan Infidel was the first respectable news source to cover the shocking events on the Island of Misfit Toys! For years Santa had stopped at the Island of Misfit Toys.  But no more. “I wouldn’t go near that place anymore” said Santa.  “It’s more dangerous than Mexico, Afghanistan or Detroit.” The culprit is politics.  For years the Island of Misfit Toys had been ruled by King Moonracer (pictured here), an absolute, hereditary monarch.  But not all were happy with his rule.  Chief among them was Charlie-in-the-Box (seen here.) Charlie, who sees himself as the […]

Greatest Hits: Klingon Fired from Suicide Prevention Hotline

Klingon Fired from Suicide Prevention Hotline: According to Manhattan Infidel, Klingons and Suicide Prevention Hotlines do not mix… Gor Khan, a 37 year old Klingon working at a local suicide prevention hotline has been fired after it was discovered that his “call disposition” actually led to suicides. “I blame myself for hiring him” said supervisor Greg Hughes.  “He seemed like he really wanted to help.  But the poor guy just didn’t have the right bedside manner, so to speak.” After being hired, Khan underwent the mandatory one-day training where he  learned how to deal with potential suicides and then was given […]

Manhattan Infidel Endorses Bruce Jenner For President!

With the 2016 Presidential campaign in full swing attention has focused on the announced and yet-to-be-announced candidates.  Many have written me to ask who I would support. After giving it careful thought and investigating where the candidates stand on today’s hot-button issues I have decided that there is only one person for the job:  former Olympian, former Kardassian and former man, Bruce Jenner. I support Ms. Jenner for the following reasons: It’s time we had a woman president While Hillary has some attractive qualities about her she has been a woman her entire life.  Ms. Jenner on the other hand […]

From The Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: The Department Of Thought Celebrates 50 Years!

He’s Baaaaaaack!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~ In 2067 the Department of Thought will celebrate 50 years.  We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ would like to use the pages of this humble blog to celebrate some of the more notable highlights of this venerated Federal department. March 30, 2017: The Department of Thought becomes law With overwhelming bipartisan support and surrounded by congressional leaders from both parties, President Martin O’Malley signs the Department of Thought bill that creates the Federal department headed by the Secretary of Thought. “This is the most important piece of legislation to pass congress since the Civil […]

Modern Day Doctor Frankenstein Plans To Transplant Human Head To Donor Body

  Hat/Tip to Andrew Griffin at The Independent. Nope, it’s not a story from The Onion, in fact the doctor behind this theory can be heard in his TED talk in the video below. Surgeon Sergio Canavero has vowed to go to China is he is banned from doing it everywhere else, arguing that the transplant has ‘political meaning’ — and some on the internet claim it might all be a marketing stunt. The Italian doctor who has claimed that he could transplant a man’s head onto a donor’s body has said that he could do much of the procedure […]

Go “Fox” Yourself Just Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It…

  Hat/Tip to   Okay, even though we’re not in fifth grade anymore, we just can’t help ourselves, when upon hearing this basketball player’s name we let out a childish giggle. That up there is a real headline, in a real newspaper, on a real story about a real basketball player named Guilherme Crabogiale Fuck. Guilherme Crabogiale Fuck has a fantastic, mellifluous name, and it would be more childish to pretend we’re not tickled by the fact that his surname is an English obscenity. It’s funny, and it’s curious, but it’s easily explicable: the 6-foot-6 forward for Alberta’s Medicine […]

Things To Come: 911 Calls After ‘Hands Up Don’t Shoot!’

  Hat/Tip to The Left seems bound and determined to demonize Law Enforcement Officers nationwide. One can only wonder what their ultimate agenda is, but one unintended consequence might be a tad easier to foresee. One America News (OAN) created this nice glimpse into the future of 911 service if the grievance mongers get their way with their demands for more sensitivity by law enforcement. . . .

Fire Up The Way Back Machine, Sherman: High School In 1970 vs High School In 2015

Hat/Tip to the Conservative Tribune. “Where are we going, Mr. Peabody?” “Not where, Sherman – when.” “Okay, when are we going, Mr. Peabody?” “We’re going to a typical American high school in 1970, Sherman.” “Why, Mr. Peabody?” “To compare the common sense of that time period, with the political correctness that has the American education system firmly in its grasp.” Okay, okay. I’ll admit that I just recently watched the feature film based on the Mr. Peabody and Sherman cartoons because it’s now on Netflix. I liked the show as a kid and I liked the movie, so it wasn’t […]

MUST SEE VIDEO: How Tough Is The F15? Jet Fighter Defies Gravity!

  Hat/Tip to and File this one under the “I have to see it to believe it!” Super sophisticated jets with state of the art technology worth millions of dollars might sound like fragile things. That one little misshapen will lead to a fatal crash. Well even though that might be it in some cases, it is not always. The accident occured in 1983 during a training session in Israel with several A-4s and F-15s, when one of the F-15Ds, nicknamed Markia Shcakim flew right into one of the A-4s in mid-air (The pilot of the A-4 ejected […]

Taking The Selfie To An Entirely New Level…You’ll Never Guess Where

  Hat/Tip to The Glow. And no, we’re not talking about the selfie in the picture above. You’ll never guess where the next generation of selfies will be taken. Imagine if you will, that a selfie-stick…   And a sex toy…   Had a baby… And voilà! You have the new “Selfie Stick For Your Vagina!!”   Yes, you read that right. No need to adjust your interwebz. They’ve become the hallmark of every rookie traveller around the globe, and now the humble selfie stick is getting a sort-of sexy makeover. A vibrator that films the view from up your vagina has […]

Former Porn Star Makes $5 Mil A Year On Youtube: You’ll Never Guess How In A Million Years

 Each one of her videos gets upwards of 25 million views. She has clocked in over 1 billion views total. Diane DeJesus in her porn star days (left) and at her local gas station in Orlando recently (right). The Brazilian has been named by neighbours as the woman behind the massively popular DC Toys Collector YouTube account Hat/Tip to BFH at Mystery woman behind the ‘richest hands on the internet’ revealed: Former pornstar ‘makes $5m a year unwrapping Disney toys on YouTube’ Secretive couple behind ‘richest hands on the internet’ made $5m last year Mysterious DC Toys Collector was […]

Daniel Boone TV Show to be Rebooted for 21st Century Audience

The Daniel Boone show, one of the more popular TV shows from the 1960s is returning to television. “We are pleased to bring the Daniel Boone name into the 21st century” read the statement. The original TV show starring Fess Parker was and still remains very popular.  As such we will be bringing him back to prime time.  We will update the character slightly while still respecting him. In the 1960s incarnation Boone was a “trailblazer” who carved through the Kentucky wilderness assisted by his loyal sidekick the native American, Mingo. Network executives, concerned that this would be offensive to […]

Battling Democratic Extremism Through Arts And Crafts

  The United States is reforming Democratic extremists by showering them with attention, providing therapy and offering arts and crafts classes. At the George Clooney Center for Advice, Counseling and Care off Hollywood Boulevard available seats for painting sessions are gone weeks in advance. A painting by one patient, a former Democratic extremist shows a peaceful, rural setting of trees and a stream flowing by. “This guy once believed in redistribution of wealth, abortion on demand and global warming” said one of the center’s counselors. He must have realized how stupid he sounded calling for raising taxes.  This is a […]

Manhattan Infidel Presents the Will President Obama Attend This Event Template™

A massive march in Paris to show solidarity against an act of terror.  The 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.  What do these two events have in common? Leaders from around the world attended.  But our President did not. With this in mind I now present the “Will President Obama Attend This Event Template™.” A shocking act of terrorism has galvanized Europe.  World leaders will attend. Should President Obama? Europe?  The only good thing about that continent are the Muslims Extremism against western values is not terrorism Will the Jew Netenyahu be at this event? I’m eating a f*cking […]

Obama The Lyin’ Hearted

“White House aides are still trying to explain President Obama’s controversial prayer breakfast speech after he reminded Christians that they ‘committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ.’” – Breitbart Not much explanation needed.  The President of the United States is either a Muslim or the best imitation anyone’s ever seen of one. Related stories: Muslim Group’s Enthusiastic Invitation to Obama After Christianity Comments Obama security agenda urges ‘strategic patience,’ drawing criticism amid ISIS threat Historians Weigh in on Obama’s Comparison of ISIS Militants to Medieval Christian Crusaders Gen. James Mattis criticizes Obama defense, security policies 4 Star Admiral Blasts […]

My Exclusive Interview with the Easily Conflated Brian Williams

The Brian Williams scandal keeps growing larger.  Williams, the anchor for NBC nightly news was caught telling a lie about allegedly having a helicopter he was riding in shot down while in Iraq.  He has since apologized, citing the “fog of memory.” Williams has graciously agreed to be a guest on my blog where he will tell his side of the story. MI: Good afternoon Mr. Williams. BW: Good afternoon Ezra Klein.  I admire your blog. MI: Um, I’m not Ezra Klein.  I’m Manhattan Infidel. BW: I am sorry.  I must have conflated you two. MI: Right.  Anyway, let’s talk about why you are here. […]

All About That Race

Hat/Tip to Cardigan at Dan Joseph . . .