Conservative Hideout 2.0 Rotating Header Image

Parody

Taking The Selfie To An Entirely New Level…You’ll Never Guess Where

  Hat/Tip to The Glow. And no, we’re not talking about the selfie in the picture above. You’ll never guess where the next generation of selfies will be taken. Imagine if you will, that a selfie-stick…   And a sex toy…   Had a baby… And voilà! You have the new “Selfie Stick For Your Vagina!!”   Yes, you read that right. No need to adjust your interwebz. They’ve become the hallmark of every rookie traveller around the globe, and now the humble selfie stick is getting a sort-of sexy makeover. A vibrator that films the view from up your vagina has […]

Former Porn Star Makes $5 Mil A Year On Youtube: You’ll Never Guess How In A Million Years

 Each one of her videos gets upwards of 25 million views. She has clocked in over 1 billion views total. Diane DeJesus in her porn star days (left) and at her local gas station in Orlando recently (right). The Brazilian has been named by neighbours as the woman behind the massively popular DC Toys Collector YouTube account Hat/Tip to BFH at IOTWReport.com. Mystery woman behind the ‘richest hands on the internet’ revealed: Former pornstar ‘makes $5m a year unwrapping Disney toys on YouTube’ Secretive couple behind ‘richest hands on the internet’ made $5m last year Mysterious DC Toys Collector was […]

Daniel Boone TV Show to be Rebooted for 21st Century Audience

The Daniel Boone show, one of the more popular TV shows from the 1960s is returning to television. “We are pleased to bring the Daniel Boone name into the 21st century” read the statement. The original TV show starring Fess Parker was and still remains very popular.  As such we will be bringing him back to prime time.  We will update the character slightly while still respecting him. In the 1960s incarnation Boone was a “trailblazer” who carved through the Kentucky wilderness assisted by his loyal sidekick the native American, Mingo. Network executives, concerned that this would be offensive to […]

Battling Democratic Extremism Through Arts And Crafts

  The United States is reforming Democratic extremists by showering them with attention, providing therapy and offering arts and crafts classes. At the George Clooney Center for Advice, Counseling and Care off Hollywood Boulevard available seats for painting sessions are gone weeks in advance. A painting by one patient, a former Democratic extremist shows a peaceful, rural setting of trees and a stream flowing by. “This guy once believed in redistribution of wealth, abortion on demand and global warming” said one of the center’s counselors. He must have realized how stupid he sounded calling for raising taxes.  This is a […]

Manhattan Infidel Presents the Will President Obama Attend This Event Template™

A massive march in Paris to show solidarity against an act of terror.  The 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.  What do these two events have in common? Leaders from around the world attended.  But our President did not. With this in mind I now present the “Will President Obama Attend This Event Template™.” A shocking act of terrorism has galvanized Europe.  World leaders will attend. Should President Obama? Europe?  The only good thing about that continent are the Muslims Extremism against western values is not terrorism Will the Jew Netenyahu be at this event? I’m eating a f*cking […]

Obama The Lyin’ Hearted

“White House aides are still trying to explain President Obama’s controversial prayer breakfast speech after he reminded Christians that they ‘committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ.’” – Breitbart Not much explanation needed.  The President of the United States is either a Muslim or the best imitation anyone’s ever seen of one. Related stories: Muslim Group’s Enthusiastic Invitation to Obama After Christianity Comments Obama security agenda urges ‘strategic patience,’ drawing criticism amid ISIS threat Historians Weigh in on Obama’s Comparison of ISIS Militants to Medieval Christian Crusaders Gen. James Mattis criticizes Obama defense, security policies 4 Star Admiral Blasts […]

My Exclusive Interview with the Easily Conflated Brian Williams

The Brian Williams scandal keeps growing larger.  Williams, the anchor for NBC nightly news was caught telling a lie about allegedly having a helicopter he was riding in shot down while in Iraq.  He has since apologized, citing the “fog of memory.” Williams has graciously agreed to be a guest on my blog where he will tell his side of the story. MI: Good afternoon Mr. Williams. BW: Good afternoon Ezra Klein.  I admire your blog. MI: Um, I’m not Ezra Klein.  I’m Manhattan Infidel. BW: I am sorry.  I must have conflated you two. MI: Right.  Anyway, let’s talk about why you are here. […]

All About That Race

Hat/Tip to Cardigan at IOTWReport.com. Dan Joseph . . .

The Official White House Terrorist Identification Chart

Hat/Tip to Doug Ross @ Journal. Awesome, to the point, sums up this administration’s view of terrorists. I have no idea how he does it, but Michael Ramirez — the finest political cartoonist of his generation — keeps getting better each and every day. I truly believe that Ramirez will go down in history as one of the most influential artists of his era. Which complements his frequent subject, who will go down in history as one of the most destructive men in American history. Hat/Tip to BadBlue News. . . .

Dagwood Bumstead Dead of Heart Attack!

Dagwood Bumstead, office manager at the J.C. & Dithers construction company, died at his home today of an apparent heart attack minutes after finished one of his patented “Bumstead” sandwiches.  First responders at the scene tried desperately to revive him as his shattered wife, Blondie looked on. “We tried everything” said a paramedic. But given his unhealthy lifestyle, I mean we found nothing but uneaten sandwiches next to him, it is a wonder that he lasted this long. According to Bumstead’s wife, he had just returned from the kitchen carrying one of his sandwiches when he collapsed on the sofa. […]

King Andrew, Lord Mayor Wilhelm Jr. Have “Absolutely No Regrets” Over Shutting Down New York City

Monday as New York City braced itself for a potential blizzard King Andrew Cuomo of New York and Lord Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. made a controversial decision:  Subways, the lifeline of the city, will be shut down. As the world now knows the so-called “Blizzard of 2015” was a bust, leaving only six inches of snow in the city.  I sat down with the duo to discuss their decision and the reasoning behind it. MI: Good afternoon. Let’s start the question everyone wants to know. Why did you shut down the subways?  In New York City, where many do not own cars, […]

Tweet Of The Day: Michael Moore On The Set Of His New Movie, ‘American Snacker’

Hat/Tip to WeaselZippers. “@_HankRearden: Michael Moore on the set of his new film, ‘American Snacker.’ cc: @MMFlint pic.twitter.com/HSQkdNwNmB” Box Office smash hit! — ericbolling (@ericbolling) January 28, 2015

Rick Springfield’s Actions Threaten to Reopen Buttock Wars

Popular singing star Rick Springfield, best known for his ’80s hit “Jessie’s Girl” is on trial.  The charge? Causing “serious, permanent and disabling injury” to a woman with his buttocks. Springfield states that during the concert in question his buttocks did indeed come into contact with Vicki Calcagno, from Liverpool, New York, but that any injury that his Australian buttcheeks might have done to the woman were incidental and did not warrant a lawsuit against him. “That’s just the way we do things in Australia” said Sprinfield. It’s how we say hello.  Many times in the outback I have greeted neighbors […]

Due To Poor Ratings, President Obama’s State Of The Union Placed On Hiatus

Just six days after President Obama’s State of the Union it has been announced that the show will be placed on hiatus and no more episodes will be ordered. “We just didn’t get the ratings we hoped for” said an network executive. We had high hopes for the State of the Union show.  Obama’s a clean cut, well-spoken man and we still think he’s going to be a big star one day. He’s personable and has a fantastic wit. I mean every time he mentions a new free service the government will provide I just crack up. We just have to […]

Meanwhile Back At The State Department……

Following up on my last two posts involving “James Taylor Gate”, the scandal that has weakened us in the eyes of our European allies, I decided to pay a visit to the State Department. What is going on at the State Department? What type of internal culture does it have?  Who in their right mind thought that sending James Taylor to Paris was an act of smart diplomacy.  I was determined to find the answers. As I drove up to the State Department the first thing I noticed was that someone had left cake out in the rain. “Shame” I said […]

Thousands of Frightened Parisians Flee Scene Of James Taylor Concert……Or This Is Too Good For Just One Post

Yesterday I bravely reported on the James Taylor, Herman Munster John Kerry concert in France.  (Somebody has to. God knows the American press won’t.)  Tomorrow I will write about my undercover experience at the State Department. Today’s post will be devoted to the tragic aftermath in Paris.  The panic. The rioting.  The looting.  The destruction. “Eet was like zee revolution” said one frightened Parisian. Zee people run.  They flee! We set up barricades in the streets. We shoot. We sing patriotic songs.  All to stop zee Hermun Munster from hugging us. If the sight of an aging American recording artist […]

In Display of Solidarity President Obama Sends James Taylor to Paris

A week after the tragic terrorist attacks that left 17 Frenchmen dead, and with criticism mounting over his absence at the unity march that attracted world leaders, President Obama proved how serious he is about the transatlantic partnership by having singer/songwriter James Taylor sing for the still-grieving nation. “I want to French people to know that even if none of those killed were black, I still think this was a serious man-caused workplace violence event” said the President from his golf cart. From the moment I first heard the news I have been pondering what I can do to show […]

Why Does “American Sniper” Divide Us Into “Left” And “Right”?

Hat/Tip to Wordsmith at Flopping Aces. One of Flopping Aces’ best, Wordsmith delves into the phenomenon that is American Sniper. Here is his Op-Ed in its entirety: Whatever the truth about Chris Kyle (and I suspect, like most, the real Chris Kyle was a complex person; and lived tall tales while fabricating others), he is an American hero. My understanding of the film is that it’s not meant to make a political statement. But I suppose everything under the sun is political when you bring your politics with you in going to see movies. I’ve not seen the film yet, […]