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Things To Come: 911 Calls After ‘Hands Up Don’t Shoot!’

  Hat/Tip to IOTWReport.com. The Left seems bound and determined to demonize Law Enforcement Officers nationwide. One can only wonder what their ultimate agenda is, but one unintended consequence might be a tad easier to foresee. One America News (OAN) created this nice glimpse into the future of 911 service if the grievance mongers get their way with their demands for more sensitivity by law enforcement. . . .

Fire Up The Way Back Machine, Sherman: High School In 1970 vs High School In 2015

Hat/Tip to the Conservative Tribune. “Where are we going, Mr. Peabody?” “Not where, Sherman – when.” “Okay, when are we going, Mr. Peabody?” “We’re going to a typical American high school in 1970, Sherman.” “Why, Mr. Peabody?” “To compare the common sense of that time period, with the political correctness that has the American education system firmly in its grasp.” Okay, okay. I’ll admit that I just recently watched the feature film based on the Mr. Peabody and Sherman cartoons because it’s now on Netflix. I liked the show as a kid and I liked the movie, so it wasn’t […]

Daniel Boone TV Show to be Rebooted for 21st Century Audience

The Daniel Boone show, one of the more popular TV shows from the 1960s is returning to television. “We are pleased to bring the Daniel Boone name into the 21st century” read the statement. The original TV show starring Fess Parker was and still remains very popular.  As such we will be bringing him back to prime time.  We will update the character slightly while still respecting him. In the 1960s incarnation Boone was a “trailblazer” who carved through the Kentucky wilderness assisted by his loyal sidekick the native American, Mingo. Network executives, concerned that this would be offensive to […]

Battling Democratic Extremism Through Arts And Crafts

  The United States is reforming Democratic extremists by showering them with attention, providing therapy and offering arts and crafts classes. At the George Clooney Center for Advice, Counseling and Care off Hollywood Boulevard available seats for painting sessions are gone weeks in advance. A painting by one patient, a former Democratic extremist shows a peaceful, rural setting of trees and a stream flowing by. “This guy once believed in redistribution of wealth, abortion on demand and global warming” said one of the center’s counselors. He must have realized how stupid he sounded calling for raising taxes.  This is a […]

Dagwood Bumstead Dead of Heart Attack!

Dagwood Bumstead, office manager at the J.C. & Dithers construction company, died at his home today of an apparent heart attack minutes after finished one of his patented “Bumstead” sandwiches.  First responders at the scene tried desperately to revive him as his shattered wife, Blondie looked on. “We tried everything” said a paramedic. But given his unhealthy lifestyle, I mean we found nothing but uneaten sandwiches next to him, it is a wonder that he lasted this long. According to Bumstead’s wife, he had just returned from the kitchen carrying one of his sandwiches when he collapsed on the sofa. […]

King Andrew, Lord Mayor Wilhelm Jr. Have “Absolutely No Regrets” Over Shutting Down New York City

Monday as New York City braced itself for a potential blizzard King Andrew Cuomo of New York and Lord Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. made a controversial decision:  Subways, the lifeline of the city, will be shut down. As the world now knows the so-called “Blizzard of 2015” was a bust, leaving only six inches of snow in the city.  I sat down with the duo to discuss their decision and the reasoning behind it. MI: Good afternoon. Let’s start the question everyone wants to know. Why did you shut down the subways?  In New York City, where many do not own cars, […]

Tweet Of The Day: Michael Moore On The Set Of His New Movie, ‘American Snacker’

Hat/Tip to WeaselZippers. “@_HankRearden: Michael Moore on the set of his new film, ‘American Snacker.’ cc: @MMFlint pic.twitter.com/HSQkdNwNmB” Box Office smash hit! — ericbolling (@ericbolling) January 28, 2015

Rick Springfield’s Actions Threaten to Reopen Buttock Wars

Popular singing star Rick Springfield, best known for his ’80s hit “Jessie’s Girl” is on trial.  The charge? Causing “serious, permanent and disabling injury” to a woman with his buttocks. Springfield states that during the concert in question his buttocks did indeed come into contact with Vicki Calcagno, from Liverpool, New York, but that any injury that his Australian buttcheeks might have done to the woman were incidental and did not warrant a lawsuit against him. “That’s just the way we do things in Australia” said Sprinfield. It’s how we say hello.  Many times in the outback I have greeted neighbors […]

Due To Poor Ratings, President Obama’s State Of The Union Placed On Hiatus

Just six days after President Obama’s State of the Union it has been announced that the show will be placed on hiatus and no more episodes will be ordered. “We just didn’t get the ratings we hoped for” said an network executive. We had high hopes for the State of the Union show.  Obama’s a clean cut, well-spoken man and we still think he’s going to be a big star one day. He’s personable and has a fantastic wit. I mean every time he mentions a new free service the government will provide I just crack up. We just have to […]

Meanwhile Back At The State Department……

Following up on my last two posts involving “James Taylor Gate”, the scandal that has weakened us in the eyes of our European allies, I decided to pay a visit to the State Department. What is going on at the State Department? What type of internal culture does it have?  Who in their right mind thought that sending James Taylor to Paris was an act of smart diplomacy.  I was determined to find the answers. As I drove up to the State Department the first thing I noticed was that someone had left cake out in the rain. “Shame” I said […]

Thousands of Frightened Parisians Flee Scene Of James Taylor Concert……Or This Is Too Good For Just One Post

Yesterday I bravely reported on the James Taylor, Herman Munster John Kerry concert in France.  (Somebody has to. God knows the American press won’t.)  Tomorrow I will write about my undercover experience at the State Department. Today’s post will be devoted to the tragic aftermath in Paris.  The panic. The rioting.  The looting.  The destruction. “Eet was like zee revolution” said one frightened Parisian. Zee people run.  They flee! We set up barricades in the streets. We shoot. We sing patriotic songs.  All to stop zee Hermun Munster from hugging us. If the sight of an aging American recording artist […]

In Display of Solidarity President Obama Sends James Taylor to Paris

A week after the tragic terrorist attacks that left 17 Frenchmen dead, and with criticism mounting over his absence at the unity march that attracted world leaders, President Obama proved how serious he is about the transatlantic partnership by having singer/songwriter James Taylor sing for the still-grieving nation. “I want to French people to know that even if none of those killed were black, I still think this was a serious man-caused workplace violence event” said the President from his golf cart. From the moment I first heard the news I have been pondering what I can do to show […]

Police Caught On Camera Using Racial Profiling!

  Racial Profiling has got to stop! * * * * * * * #blackbearslivesmatter . .  

The Decline and Fall of Who-ville

  The once friendly and unassuming city of Who-ville lies in ruins, bankrupt. Businesses left, never to return. It has seen its population decrease by 40 percent over the past three decades. How did this happen? It all starts with the Christmas Eve home invasion by the Grinch. Shocked that their town, technically at peace with the Grinch, was subject to such a devastating assault the political leaders of Who-ville enacted policies that would lead to their downfall. The Department of Who-ville Security Vowing never to be caught off guard again, the Department of Who-Ville Security was created by Who-ville’s mayor. […]

Yukon Cornelius Investigated for Possible Hate Crimes!

It has been announced that well-known North Pole prospector Yukon Cornelius is under investigation by the Island of Misfit Toys Department of Thought for possible hate crimes. “He’s been on our radar for awhile now” said Charlie-in-the-Box (pictured here), the Department of Thought’s sub-commissar.   His very presence has been an issue with some of our residents.  We live in peace as comrades.  Yukon is a known capitalist and what’s more a known rapist.  He uses his pickaxe of patriarchy to take from Mother Earth her precious natural resources. We here on the Island of Misfit Toys also have outlawed prejudice.  Mr. […]

Manhattan Infidel Presents the Man-Caused Workplace Violence by a Specific Subset of People We Aren’t Supposed to Mention Template™

With the tragic news coming out of Paris that a newspaper had been attacked and dozens killed the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ sprang into action to cover the story. Doing my duty as a member of the mainstream media I now present this handy template so readers can make sense of these events. Three men shot and killed 12 people at a newspaper in Paris because They were disaffected former employees It was a right-wing newspaper and they deserved what they got The motives of the shooters will probably remain a mystery Don’t you dare blame this on Islam […]

Jets Fire Gandalf!

  One week after firing head coach Rex Ryan and GM John Idzik after a disappointing 4-12 season the axe fell on the Jets offensive coordinator, Gandalf. “We had high hopes for Gandalf when he hired him” said the Jets owner, Woody Johnson.  “It just didn’t work out.” Before being hired by the Jets Gandalf was best known as a wizard who helped destroy the ring of all power.  Said Johnson: Even though he had no previous experience in professional football, or any experience at any level of football, in fact I don’t know if Middle Earth has even heard […]

Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr., (Stage Name Bill de Blasio) Hospitalized with Butt Hurt!

  Embattled New York City Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr., (stage name Bill de Blasio) was hospitalized today with an unknown ailment. “He came in on a stretcher” said a nurse. He was on his stomach and he had his butt up in the air.  He kept screaming, “It hurts.  It hurts.  God it hurts!”  The nurses gave him some sedation while the doctors took turns looking at his butt. Sources say that Mayor Wilhelm Jr., started to feel a discomfort in his butt while attending the funeral of slain NYPD officer Wenjian Liu. “As he was speaking he noticed that […]