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Satire

Lucky the Leprechaun to be Deported!

Seeking to beat congressional Republicans at their own game, the Obama administration announced today the popular breakfast cereal Lucky Charms has been declared a “controlled substance” and that their mascot Lucky the Leprechaun, will be deported back to Ireland. “Republicans are always saying ‘secure the border’ “ said the President at a campaign rally. That’s all they care about.  Keeping immigrants out of this country.  This is a nation of undocumented workers.  So sue me for not enforcing the law.  To show the do-nothing Republicans to be careful what they wish for I have ordered the arrest of Lucky the […]

NFL Team Names Are Racist or Something!

In the weeks since the Washington Redskins were denied a trademark for their name many commentators have spoken for and against the ruling.  Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we applaud the ruling.  I have many native American friends (respectable peaceful ones, not the ones that go on the warpath and scalp the white man.) Denying the Washington Native Americans a trademark is only the beginning.  We feel that many other NFL teams should not only be denied a trademark but should be forced to change their names. (Trigger warning:  Offensive terms will be used in the following […]

Fight Night! Obama Battles Economy in Steel Cage Death Match!

  The Scene:  Friday night, somewhere in America. First Announcer:  Welcome to fight night. We have an exciting match for you.  Tonight President Obama will be fighting the United States Economy in a steel cage death match. Second Announcer:Yes and as you know there has been a history of bad blood between these opponents. First Announcer:This all started when Obama called the U.S. economy “vulgar and capitalist” and vowed to replace it with a socialist worker’s paradise. Second Announcer:  That didn’t sit well with the economy who pointed out his long history of providing the best standard of living on […]

My Exclusive Interview with Episcopalian Bishop Gene Robertson

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the privilege of interviewing retired Episcopalian Bishop Gene Robertson.  Many know Robertson as the first openly gay bishop, whose ordination nearly resulted in a schism in the worldwide Anglican communion.   MI: Good afternoon Bishop Robertson. BGR: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  Are you gay? MI: No but I do enjoy musical theater. BGR:What? MI: It’s an old joke.  Anyway, you are openly gay.  When you were ordained bishop you were in a committed relationship with your life partner, Mark Andrew. BGR:Yes.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  We have been together for 25 years.  He is my […]

Thank You For Applying for a Position at the New York Times

Dear applicant: Thank you for applying for a position at the New York Times.  As you may be aware the position of Executive Editor was recently vacated by Jill Abamson, after it was discovered that she was a real woman and not one of the fake ones we in the newsroom enjoy hanging out with. While Ms. Abramson’s firing may us make look bad in the short run, we’d like to assure all applicants that the New York Times is committed to diversity, as this recent photo of our newsroom makes clear. Yes. That person in the blue shirt.  No not that […]

The Left’s Absurd Political “Debate” Clichés All at Once

This is absolutely priceless.   .

May 1945, Hollywood Speaks: We are Adolph Hitler!

Heroic socialist Adolph Hitler in happier times With the American and Russian war machine closing in on Berlin and heroic socialist Adolph Hitler in hiding, Hollywood is making known where its sympathies lie.  A five minute film entitled “We are Adolph Hitler” is being released to theaters this week. “It’s important that this film be made” said MGM head Louis B. Mayer. This is my adopted homeland and I love it but I am ashamed of the war crimes our military is committing.  I support our troops but this war is immoral. The short film opens with many of Hollywood’s […]

Obama’s Weather Vain

“Obama’s vanity is a wonder of the world that never loses its power to astonish …” — George Will “ … our generation must move toward a global compact to confront a changing climate before it is too late.” – Barack Obama It’s a damned shame Obama the Magnificent and his rabid socialist minions weren’t always around to ‘confront a changing climate’.  Who knows, the dinosaurs may not have gone extinct. Anthropogenic Continental Drift: An Incoherent Truth (The People’s Cube) Industrial Nations Threaten Globe Again A new menace to the planet has been discovered and validated by a consensus of […]

End of the World! Consider a Donation?

As we all know, the end of the world is today.  But, had you considered that your world goods will do you no good in the aftermath?  if you believe in karma, you might want consider donating your worldly goods to a worthy cause.  After all, why bring down eternal judgment on yourself for being stingy, like a Republican 1 percenter, or even worse, a tea bagger? On the right, you will notice a paypal donation button.  Make peace with the cosmos, and send all of your money to the CH 2.0 bunker.  It’ll be good for your spirit, and you can […]

Overweight Vulcan Charged with Bestiality!

You read it here first!  Take a look at the Vulcan, and read of his alleged crimes, like bestiality! Psycho Charged With Using Craigslist To Have Sex With Dog, Says Sexless Marriage Is To Blame – Weekly Vice James Naylor, a 47-year-old Mesa man was jailed Monday after he allegedly used Craigslist to shop for a dog he wanted to have sex with. ……………… According to the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office, an investigation was launched after Naylor placed ads on Craigslist seeking dogs to sexually abuse. … Investigators say Naylor showed up at the planned meeting spot expecting to have […]

Earth Day 2012: Mythical Creatures Plan Protest

Here is another classic CH 2.0 post in honor of Earth day 2012.   I recently received a message from none other than Bigfoot!  Not wanting to miss an opportunity for a good story, I decided to interview him. Me:  Hello Bigfoot, thanks for contacting me.  BTW, do you go by Bigfoot? Bigfoot:  Thanks for answering, FYI, my name is Bill. Me:  Mmkay, Bill it is.  What was the reason for contacting me? Bill:  Well, we’re planning a protest.  We’re tired of being compared to something so ridiculous, that we end up looking bad. Me:  OK then, I have a couple of questions then.  Who are “we?”  and […]

Earth Day 2012: Searching for the Missing Myth

Here is a classic Conservative Hideout post for Earth Day 2012… Now friends, since the war on women has backfired, and the messiah is creating more and more distractions from his economic failure, there is a lull in the domestic news.  But there is one thing that is conspicuous in its absence.  What the hell happened to global warming?  It’s taken a back seat during the campaign.  Since when is the apocalypse put on hold?   I am therefore declaring it missing, and would like your help in finding it. According to Director Robert S. Mueller, III, FBI Director, Global Warming was reported missing […]

Manhattan Infidel Selectively Edits the George Zimmerman Audio

In today’s post, I, the Manhattan Infidel, have decided to take a stab at selectively editing the infamous George Zimmerman audio. As many know the original audio goes like this: Zimmerman:  This guy looks like he’s up to no good.  Or he’s on drugs or something.  It’s raining and he’s just walking around, looking about. Dispatcher:  Okay, and this guy – is he black, white or Hispanic? Zimmerman:  He looks black. Which a major television network that shall remain nameless peacockselectively edited to this: Zimmerman:  This guy looks like he’s up to no good.  He looks black. While I respect and admire the job the […]

Sneak Preview of Obama’s Thousand Points of Darkness “Jobs” Plan

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In a major campaign (jobs) speech before Congress tomorrow night, President Barack Obama will say that jobs are priority #1, just as soon as he gets re-elected in 2012.

In the meantime, the “Great Orator” will spell out a 5-point plan that will continue to spread a matrix of a Thousand Points of Darkness throughout the land until he can once again claim in January 2013 that “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

Bear Sh*ts in Woods; Climate of Hate Blamed

Today a bear relieved himself in the woods. Across America panicked citizens called into talk radio and asked what it meant. On Mike Malloy’s progressive talk radio shot Malloy talked about the day’s events. I think the fact that this bear has seen fit to relieve himself in the woods can be laid at the feet of John Boehner.  Obviously the climate of hatred that Boehner and the Republicans spew out every day made this bear feel that he could do this with no repercussions.  I just thank god that no one, except for the innocent vegetation shat upon was […]

Barak Obama's Brain

Back when I was attempting to be snarky humor blog, I created the Liberal Brain Deobsfuscator.  The idea is simple.  It would take a liberal individual, and assemble their brain wave patterns into reality.  Considering how liberal brains work, it’s a pretty complex process. Since I’m still feeling a bit sarcastic, I decided to use this device on the messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS. Here’s the result. Now, this is not the first time I’ve used this.  Last year, I used it on Nancy Pelosi, and got this… Warning!  This video will ruinate your mind! You were warned!

Video of internal SEC meeting

Admin Warning:  NOT A FAMILY FRIENDLY POST. Not one for the kiddos! In the news recently, it was reported that high ranking officials in the SEC were using company time and resources to surf the web, viewing and downloading porn. Some estimates were that this went on up to 8 hours a day.  Now for porn to be that important to some people, you would think that it would be interesting to be in on the meeting that had to have occurred in the offices of the SEC after this all came to light. Sources at CH2.0, through the Freedom […]

NASA Finds Life On Mars

NASA unveiled the results of the recent Opportunity and Spirit probes sent millions of miles through the solar system to discover signs of extraterrestrial life. The recent missions have gathered evidence of sulphates on Mars, a strong indication there is water on the planet and therefore life. Previous missions to Mars have concluded there is probably water on the planet. But the NASA boffins (scientists) said the recent missions have gone further than any others in proving there is life on Mars. A special mission to the Red Planet has revealed the likely presence of a form of pond scum. […]

Obama bans phrases from English language.

President Barack Obama’s advisers will remove religious terms such as “Islamic extremism” from the central document outlining the U.S. national security strategy and will use the rewritten document to emphasize that the United States does not view Muslim nations through the lens of terror, counterterrorism officials said. The change is a significant shift in the National Security Strategy, a document that previously outlined the Bush Doctrine of preventative war and currently states: “The struggle against militant Islamic radicalism is the great ideological conflict of the early years of the 21st century.” The officials described the changes on condition of anonymity […]

The Consipracy Theory Mad Lib

The reaction to the Tin Foil Hat Alert Post far exceeded my expectations.  I posted the thing just to post it.  The reaction was inspiring.  So, I decided to make a Mad lib out of it.  Enjoy! CH 2.0 Conspiracy Theory NOUN NOUN NOUN NOUN NOUN VERB NOUN NOUN NOUN PLURAL NOUN NOUN VERB PLACE NOUN VERB VERB VERB NOUN NOUN NOUN NOUN NOUN THE SINGLE MOST COSTLY, DEADLY AND DANGEROUS [NOUN PLACE Mad lib code can be found at Mad Glibs.

We Have a Winner!

Introducing your Useful Idiot of the Month for November 2009… The envelope please… Why, it’s Nancy Pelosi!!!! That’s right, you, the CH2.0 readers, have chosen the Wicked Witch of San Fran Freako, Nancy Pelosi (yet again) as the Useful Idiot of the month.  In honor of her win for being fail, here is a short pictorial presentation. Congratulations Nancy, you most definitely earned it! BTW, THIS MONTH, WE VOTE FOR USEFUL IDIOT OF THE YEAR.  SUGGEST ADDITIONAL CANDIDATES NOW!!!!!

Mad Libs for Democrats: David Axelrod and Mark Lloyd

Remember Mad Libs?  Of course you do!  Those incomplete paragraphs and stories with missing verbs, adjectives, and nouns brought laughter to millions. Now, the Conservative Hideout has brought the idea into the 21st century with Dem Libs!© Be amazed as you fill in the speeches of the messiah SPENDULUS MAXIMUS!  Marvel at the words of The Wicked Witch of the West.  Thrill at the miscues of Bwarney Fwank!  Be blown away by the czars! Here’s a sample! David Axelrod: A thing A thing Verb Adjective Noun Well, I don’t — you know, I’m not concerned. Mr. Murdoch has a — […]

I’m a Democrat; You Owe Me

I’m a democrat. You owe me. I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me. I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of […]

BREAKING IN 2011: Implantable Microchip Backfires, Kills New Health Care Plan

In typical Dr. Dave (you can also call me Dr. Drama) fashion, I’ll make my first post over here nice and racist, as in “all things critical of Chairman Zero are racist.” If it’s too shocking, you can sue Matt…but I think he’s somewhere in the boondocks having dinner with Big Foot and maybe not all that concerned about the evil hatemongers he’s unleashed on his blog. To wit… Sometime in the not too distant future in a land right beneath your feet…. WASHINGTON — Amazing reports are coming in from all over the country today indicating that President Barack […]