Greatest Hits: I’m a democrat; You Owe Me

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I’m a Democrat; You Owe Me:  Snarky Basterd took a shot at democrats, and did not miss.

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren’t democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

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I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

Previously posted at Feed Your ADHD.

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Classic Snarky: I’m a Democrat-You Owe Me

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Note:  Here is a classic CH 2.0 post from the one and only Snarky Basterd.

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren’t democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

Previously posted at Feed Your ADHD.

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Dazi Acres Featured on Freedom Works!

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As you might have noticed, our contributor, Snarky Basterd hasn’t been blogging for almost a year now.  Known for his hard edged and snarky style, Mr. Basterd graced the Ch 2.0, as well as his own blog, Feed Your ADHD.  And, if you recall, he ran the infamous Gulf Oil Spill Blog.  But, he blogs no more, because Snarky Basterd has a farm.

Bonus points to whoever said, “do-da,do-da.”

Snarky and his wife purchased a farm, now known as Dazi Acres, and have been having a go at organic farming.  Not only are they “going Galt,” they are contributing to society by helping grow our food.  Apparently, they are doing rather well, as even Freedom Works have taken notice. 

This summer has been one of valuable education and clarification for me. In writing my last post on PolyFace Farms, I mentioned that I am spending the summer with friends on their working farm, Dazi Acres.  Suzanne and David, the proud owners of new land and a new life, have met with all of the personal and financial struggles that come with learning a new trade and trying to turn it profitable. What many people don’t consider, are the possible (and today, probable) legal struggles that could effectively end the pursuit of their dreams. 

Dazi Acres produces pastured poultry, pork, and beef in the manner of Joel Salatin at PolyFace. It is a proven business model, in harmony with the land it uses and the profits it hopes to garner. It also faces incredible legal challenges.  Aside from incorporation and tax laws, there are federal and state food safety laws too numerous to count.  In my early days at Dazi Acres, we ran into many of these laws in planning and sought information and clarity on them.  In tweeting about their adventures, I was introduced by a Twitter follower to Farm-To-Consumer Legal Defense Fund, and serendipity happened.

Out of all of my blogging associates, Snarky is the only one that I personally know, and have for 20 years now.  He made a major step to live in accordance with his beliefs, and  I can only congratulate him this truly brave move, and wish him well.

Of course, he has an open invitation to keep posted on his progress as well.

You can follow Dazi Acres on Facebook.

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Classic Snarky: I’m a Democrat-You Owe Me

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Note:  Here is a classic CH 2.0 post from the one and only Snarky Basterd.

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren’t democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

Previously posted at Feed Your ADHD.

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Bud Abbott and Lou Costello on “Unemployment”

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Internet meme….

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good subject. Terrible times. It’s about 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%…

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE!! Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: But … they are out of work!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.

COSTELLO: To who?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So, there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what I just said!

And now, you know why Obama’s unemployment figures are improving.

H/T: Suzibasterd

Original Post:  Feed Your ADHD

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Genius Barack Obama: The U.S. Needs “Bottom-up Economics”

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I’m sure bottom-up economics (you know, from the 49% percent of the population that doesn’t pay taxes) fueling a recovery in Barack Obama’s next term will … drain all swamps.

I know, maybe Obama can use eminent domain to confiscate every underwater middle class family home, then turn around and sell them to Mexican drug cartels.

Or let’s confiscate all of the 50-inch HDTV screens from welfare recipients and peddle them to underprivileged countries.

Wait. You know what will jump-start the economy? Selling tickets to an MRI of Joe Biden’s brain.

Or naming a homeless guy the Czar of Bottom-up Economics; he’d probably be just as qualified as Obama’s current czars.

Even a pay-per-bow system every time Obama visits with a dignitary could do more good for the economy than anything that comes from his Marx-addled brain.

The comedy of horrors continues.

Original Post:  Feed Your ADHD

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Without the Lapdog Media, Obama Is Doomed

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Minister of Disinformation Jay Carney and the rest of Barack Obama’s minions are running scared.

For the first time in a long time the national press called Obama out yesterday, for his “doing just fine” comment last week on the state of the private sector economy. (Except Juan Williams, who parroted Obama, his central processing unit showing its usual signs of damage.)

Carney’s response to the press: “you all ought to do your jobs and report on the context” of Obama’s gaffe.

I can simply refer you again to what the President talked about as he stood here before you in the context of his rather full discussion of the state of the economy, and the simple fact that in this recovery has seen 4.3 million jobs in the private sector created – it has also seen a situation where, because of massive layoffs of teachers, firefighters and police officers – a reduction in the public sector. And by public sector, we’re talking about state and local governments who have had to layoff teachers from classrooms, firefighters from the force and police officers from the force. That was the context of his comments which I think everyone in this room was aware of at the time.

I watched Obama’s “rather full discussion” of the state of economy, resisting the urge to commit seppuku. What I heard was lethargic script reading. He said nothing we didn’t already know. Obama was about as lively as a dead fish, except during the questioning period following his “rather full discussion”– in which he said, with his usual arrogance, that it was offensive for the GOP to accuse his administration of being the source of national security leaks. (Shockingly, it turns out the Obama machine probably is.)

In fact, Obama’s defiance in the face of questions about sensitive information leaks is exactly what Carney demonstrated yesterday. Carney’s blustering was symptomatic of the administration’s official policy in response to controversy: Bully, bully, bully.

And it’s more revealing of what’s really bothering the administration: If the lapdog media is finally waking up from a four-year Obama high, if the lapdog media is going to start questioning this president and his record (or lack thereof), if the lapdog media is going to start moving toward giving even 10% fair coverage in this election, Obama’s in for a tough road.

Obama NEEDS the lapdog media. The lapdog media made Obama because they didn’t vet him. The lapdog media didn’t tell voters about Jeremiah Wright. The lapdog media didn’t tell voters about Bill Ayers. The lapdog media didn’t tell voters Obama’s ties to ACORN. The lapdog media didn’t question the lack of transparency from the candidate who promised the most transparent administration in history. Instead, the lapdog media were caught up in hope and change and presumably snorting unicorn farts. The election of the first black president of these now fractured United States promised to eradicate hundreds of years of bad treatment of minorities in this country in one fell swoop. It would reverse history. It would transform America into a utopia. It would heal all wounds and stem all tides and spread rainbows across the land.Consider the saccharine profile the Washington Post ran on Obama on August 22, 2008.

Mitt Romney, meanwhile, doesn’t need the lapdog media. He’s already overcome an anti-saccharine, trumped-up WaPo story about his so-called bullying youth and theadministration’s fiasco in using the lapdog media to denigrate Romney’s tenure at Bain Capital, which didn’t turn out to be 1/10th as bad as Obama 2012 and the media claimed it was. (Always remember, the lapdog media will tell you one or two “bad” facts but leave out 10 other positive facts, in order to advance the left’s narrative.) Romney, in fact, has us, the legion of electronic conservative pundits and activists and everyday citizens who’ve had enough of the socialist nightmare freight train we’re on. Obama has Media Matters, living-with-mom-@Shoq, Mother Jones, and a host of other energized but failing online rejects who couldn’t hold a candle to us if we gave them all the wax and wicks in this country.

And we’ve vetted Romney. We excoriated him during the brutal Republican primaries. We’ve been harder on him than a rattlesnake treats its prey. I’d wager that, if Romney wins, his administration is going to pay a lot more attention to what the online community and the American people as a whole are telling him about the state of the country than Obama did, probably because he won’t be breaking any presidential golfing or fundraising records. He’ll be too busy cleaning up after the Demorrhoid in Chief.

The lapdog media isn’t going to win any fans. They’re not going to do 1/32nd of the job that we will. They’ve become a de facto arm of the government, and, when leftists are in charge, as long as the president isn’t sleeping with interns, they’ve been content to massage press releases and bland statements from the Whitehouse and pass them off as their own insights.

Until, apparently, now.

If the lapdog media is waking up, if they’re becoming aware, if they’re finally starting to question this administration, Obama might as well just pack up and quit now, while he’s behind.

UPDATE: Thanks to MOTUS for the linkage.

Original Post:  Feed Your ADHD

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Batboy Named Algae Czar

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DISTRICT OF CRIMINALS — Fresh off blowing hot air at the press about the dire need to move U.S. energy dependence from oil to algae, President Barack Downgrade Obama today took daring steps, naming Batboy as the nation’s first Algae Czar.In his first official decree, Batboy, who has lived openly in public for 27 years as Congresscriminal Henry Waxman from California, announced the president will issue an executive order later today to create the Dental Algae Reclamation Project, to be funded by confiscated tax returns of the 1%.

“Never before in our history has it been more important to explore alternative energy, what with vast deposits of natural gas that must remain in the earth in order to hasten the prophecy of Atlas Shrugged and the successful blocking of the Keystone XL pipeline to appease environmentalist voters in time for the 2012 election,” said WaxmanBatboy, who will continue to serve in Congress, since he doesn’t do anything there in the first place except try to take over the Internet so he can increase his bandwidth for viewing YouPorn videos of himself with The Wicked Witch of Congress.

 The Dental Algae Reclamation Project will mandate that a lottery choose annual dental visits for all Americans, for the scraping of algae from their teeth. WaxmanBatboy said he and the 99% of Occupy Wall Street will be the first in line because they’ve “been storing enough algae in our mouths to fuel the nation for centuries.”

In other news, the Downgrade administration will also empanel a commission to study the efficacy of renewing the horse and buggy as the dominant mode of American transportation, how well fat liposuctioned from Michael Moore could provide fuel for gas lamps in 100 million American homes, and whether Obama darling and failed solar energy company Solyndra can use a new $535 million loan guarantee to convert the dead into food to offset the rising cost of grocery bills.

Solyndra Green is people!

Cross-posted at Conservative Daily News.

Original Post:  Feed Your ADHD

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The Paulbot Creed

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#1. Be Arrogant
#2. Be Condescending
#3. Be self-important
#4. Be self-righteous
#5. Tout your superior intellect to help overcome your lack of self-confidence (see numbers 1, 2, 3 and 4 then go straight to #15).
#6. Give slippery rhetorical answers to straight questions
#7. Hide/Ignore or spin Ron Paul’s congressional record of 23 Years in Congress, creating 620 bills of which 4 made it to the floor and only one became law.
#8. When cornered and have no truthful or direct response, spout angry, non-topic rhetoric as an answer, then see #19.
#9. Hide your democrat voting status from the public & pretend you’re a republican.
#10. Blame everyone else, never take credit for a problems like Barrack Obama because we are closet Ultra-Liberals
#11. Berate and/or belittle your opponent whenever losing an argument, then see #19
#12. Blame America for the world hating the US and act like an Arab Psychiatrist/Pathologist when promoting the 9/11 Jihad conspiracy.
#13. Be courteous and direct others to their local cable or satellite channel that carries reruns of Conspiracy theory with Jesse “You deserve to lose a few” Ventura.
#14. Copy and paste data from whatever unreliable source you can find to try and validate your argument.
#15. Avoid/ignore any or all valid retort or facts that invalidate your agenda at all costs or whenever possible. (Go back to #6)
#16. Create a fictitious Facebook persona to hide your true identity like our Anarchist/OWS cousins.
#17. Make cowardly drive-by hit and run comment and/or “like” a fellow Paulbot’s hit and run comment.
#18. Bait adversaries by commenting/posting irrelevant points and/or points you were making during your last debate with someone totally different on another topic all together without looking like you are arguing with yourself. Try to avoid looking foolish at all costs.
#19. Scurry over to your nearest Ron Paul thread and alert other bots to join you and that you require assistance because you’re losing your delusional Liberal arguments. Then medicate, repeat, put on your drool bib and go back to marching in the paper slipper brigade.
#20. Follow #18 and 19 to the letter, then surround your opponent and take cheap pot-shots from your behind your fictitious Facebook persona (See #9 and #16).
#21. Before debating, avoid getting fecal matter in or behind your ears when removing your head from your rectum. This will be particularly useful when listening to CD’s of “Dr” Paul in your Toyota Prius.
#22. When casting your ballot for “Dr” Paul during online polls, remember to clear your cookies then repeat. Do this as many times as your fingers will allow or until the next episode of Colbert Reports, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, or your Mother calls down to the basement stairs to tell you that “dinner is ready”.

Revised; January 5, 2012
By Scott Sawyer

Cross-posted at PatDollard.com

Original Post:  Feed Your ADHD

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Classic Snarky: I’m a Democrat-You Owe Me

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Note:  Here is a classic CH 2.0 post from the one and only Snarky Basterd.

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren’t democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked ass and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can shit on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

Previously posted at Feed Your ADHD.

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Sneak Preview of Obama’s Thousand Points of Darkness “Jobs” Plan

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“Here comes the orator! with his flood of words, and his drop of reason.” — Benjamin Franklin

WASHINGTON, D.C – In a major campaign (jobs) speech before Congress tomorrow night, President Barack Obama will say that jobs are priority #1, just as soon as he gets re-elected in 2012.

In the meantime, the “Great Orator” will spell out a 5-point plan that will continue to spread a matrix of a Thousand Points of Darkness throughout the land until he can once again claim in January 2013 that “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

“I have spoken of a thousand points of darkness, of all of my community organizations that are spread like black holes throughout the Nation, doing my bidding. We will work hand in hand, encouraging, sometimes leading, sometimes being led, rewarding, as long as they bring me votes. We will work on this in the White House, in the Cabinet agencies, and in the Czar fiefdoms. I will go to the people and the programs that are the darker points of darkness, and I will ask every member of my government to become more like me. The old ideas are new again because they are not old, they are timeless: corruption, blaming, vacationing, and a socialism that finds its expression in taking apart and eradicating freedom,” he will tell the nation during his 7 p.m. televised address, while the rest of America ignores him, eats dinner, and gets ready for the opening game of the 2011 National Football League season.

Obama’s $300 billion lackluster plan proposes:

1. Naming Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa as Unicorn Czar. Hoffa will head a new agency, the Department of Unicorn Re-education and Training. Hoffa will be in charge of taking out Tea Party members and about half of the nation’s 20 million-plus unemployed in a new Unicorn Factory System, to be established at various federal property holdings throughout the country, and re-educating and training them to become unicorns.

2. Establishing a new back-to-work stimulus plan called Rainbows Across America.Each new unicorn will be put to work building rainbows that will span every acre of the country. The rainbows will bring every parcel of land under federal government control, effectively abolishing private property, thereby eliminating the need for American citizens to work to make their mortgage or rent payments, while corporations will cede control of the physical location of their business to the Teamsters. Unicorns will not receive pay, but for sustenance they’ll be given ample amounts of cake.

3. Creating the Barack Obama Caddy and Bus Driver Fund. Immediately following his speech, the president will go on permanent vacation until his presumed second inauguration in January 2013. Instead of running the country, Obama will embark on the I Take No Responsibility Bus Tour across America, stopping every day at a golf course to, of course, play golf. Obama expects a sizeable amount of sycophants to accompany him both on the road and at the golf course. Cabinet members and CongressCriminals will be invited, providing unemployed people at each stop with the opportunity to caddy for Obama et al for a day. Various people in each of the 57 states on the tour route — handpicked from a list of those who’ve filed unemployment claims, received welfare or food stamps, or previously worked for ACORN during the past three years — will be selected to drive the buses in Obama’s entourage.

4. Engineering the Restore Obama Stickers to America’s Cars program. The president will have the Treasury print Obama 2012 bumper stickers instead of money. Anyone not included in either the Rainbows Across America or Barack Obama Caddy and Bus Driver Fund programs will be ordered to place the bumper stickers on all cars in every Costco parking lot in America. Instead of a paycheck, participants will receive coupons for 7 free Costco Polish dog combo meals each week.

5. Enacting a Re-Elect Barack Obama Draft. All participants in the Thousand Points of Darkness plan will be conscripted into the Democratic Party and required to pre-cast 2012 ballots for Obama upon entering the program. Members of the Teamsters, SEIU, ACORN, and various other union and community organizations will stuff ballots, punch chads, and fill in electronic voting records in place of program participants in November 2012, thereby ensuring Obama’s re-election.

Otherwise, there’s no chance in hell he would win, even if he were running against the fly he publically murdered during a 2009 interview.

Cross-posted at PatDollard.com
Original Post: Feed Your ADHD

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McConnell Killed by Rogue Vegetables

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Mitch McConnell (RINO, Ky) was killed today when a rabble of angry vegetables swarmed him outside the Russell Senate Office Building.

Killer tomatoes ripped McConnell limb from limb and fed him to locally grown corn and cucumbers after McConnell turned traitor and helped Democrats pass the Food Safety Bill, outlawing the sale of locally grown vegetables and fruits at food stands.

Local farmers stood by as the vegetables raged, cheering and holding signs with slogans such as “An Ear of McConnell for an Ear of Corn” and “My Squash, Your Face.”

Last year, more people were killed by automobile accidents, heart attacks, lung cancer, and natural causes combined than by any one tomato,” said one local farmer, adding that one turncoat senator is far more dangerous than the risk any homegrown vegetable poses to the average American.

When told the bill would ruin their chances for school field trips to local fruit stands, children visiting the Capital Building raided a Whole Foods market and pelted McConnell’s remains with Brussel sprouts.

Said one particularly rotund pumpkin from Maryland who joined in the fray, in between bites from one of McConnell’s arms, “This gives a whole new meaning to the saying, ‘Eat Local.’”

Original Post: Feed Your ADHD

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Classic Snarky: I’m a Democrat; You Owe Me

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Editor’s Note: Given the implosion of the left, and their increasingly insane ranting, I’ve been reminded of this post from last October.  So, enjoy this CH 2.0 classic from Snarky Basterd.

I’m a democrat. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have my own pile of money, but I want yours, too, including the four pennies you have rattling around in the bottom of that peanut butter jar you frugal idiots like to use as a change holder. Give it up! You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I just say I like the public school system. My kids go to private schools so that your kids can go to public schools and learn how to be good little democrats like me. When my kids grow up and become better members of a collectivist society, and your kids grow up confused, my kids will get government jobs and take more money and freedom from your kids. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a job with health insurance, but I think it’s everyone else’s fault when I get sick and have to cut back on my lifestyle so I can pay for health care that should be free, along with cars and houses and big screen TVs. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There is no god. You can go ahead and get down on your knees and pray to the ceiling for forgiveness and strength and peace, but I’ll be standing right behind you with a tire iron, bashing your skull and stealing your wallet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I hate people. I would rather sleep with my dog or a cucumber or a tree than with another person…unless I can just dump them on the curb after we’re through. You just have sex to make more people so you can continue to earn more money while you rape the planet. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I love taxes. It’s patriotic…for you…to pay them. I don’t pay any, anyway. And if I have to, I’ve figured out loop holes or have offshore accounts to shelter my money, so the government never really gets too much from me anyway. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. It’s not only my right but also my duty to take freedom and representative republicanism from you, little by little, and replace it with government bureaucracy. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. I’m needy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I have a $20 million vacation playground on Martha’s Vineyard and a guarded compound in South Chicago and belong to the richest majority in Washington’s history. But I hate rich people who aren’t democrats and want your property too so I can save endangered swamp rats and build turtle tunnels and fix toilets. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. There are more of you than there are of me. You breathe too much. I’ve told the world outlandish lies that you’re causing global warming, using faulty correlations to get everyone so worried they’re about to let me tax thin air. And you’ll breathe a lot less. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m an elitist. I’m perfect. I’m not like all of you stupid wingnuts out there working your greedy little fingers to the bone trying to make a little money and feed your family and have something to call successful when you retire. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I live in the city so I can get stupid drunk and piss on the streets when I want and kick your parked car when it gets in my way. It’s too bad that you have all those guns in your humble suburban and country homes. If you didn’t, I’d come and toss you out on your naked a** and make you live in the fetid cities that my government policies screwed up. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I think you hate homosexuals. I have no idea that you just want to be left alone and live your life the way you see fit and not have your children taught with government money that they should seek alternative lifestyles for the fun of it. I just want you to do what I think you should do with your life. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m so tolerant I can’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. In fact, I hate white people. I hate all people. I hate myself. I hate myself so much that I hate you even more when you are happy. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I need to be told what to do. I don’t think human beings are capable of taking care of themselves. That’s what government is for. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I don’t think any people should have rights. I think fish and frogs and grass should, however, and I want to represent them in court…and you to pay for it. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m a child. I act like a child and I think like a child and I live like a child and I throw up my hands and have little fits when I don’t get my way. There should be no consequences for anything I do. But there should be consequences for you, even if you’re blameless in what I accuse you of. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I’m racist but I get others to think that you are racist just because I call you one. It’s a riot to watch you squirm because I know you have a conscience. I do not. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I was born poor or middle class or rich, but it doesn’t matter. I was born black or white or Asian or Latina, but it still doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s Bush’s fault that I was even allowed to be born at all. You owe me.

I’m a democrat. I want health care at your expense, while I’m young and virulent and child-like. But then I want you to kill me when I start to get old and weak and feeble, so that all of my young and virulent and child-like democrat friends can have health care at your expense.

Then I want to come back to life as a rock, so lots of birds can sh*t on me. They owe me, too, for being a loony moonbat.

Previously posted at Feed Your ADHD.

Image H/T:  Right in a Left World

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Obama Gives Part of Arizona to Mexicans

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And whyyyyyy not? Why not ban from part of their own country those racist Americans trying to keep illegal, non-U.S. citizens from entering and entrenching themselves in their country? Who the hell are those awful white and black and brown and green and yellow and polkadotted Americans to try to defend their property, their rights, their way of life, and that little thing called the Constitution?

Dummies. All of them. Let’s just go ahead right now and give all those lands we kicked Mexico’s a** over back to those nice people who come here illegally — you know, the drug lords, the one’s carrying those nice guns, the ones killing people, both Mexican and American, on our sovereign soil. Let the douchenozzle dream of Aztlan become reality.

What a great guy we have in the Oval Office, the best ever. Why, he’s so awesome we’ll probably wave our electoral laws and nominate him King for Life. He’s just that damned awesome.

Video below H/T: Logistics Monster

Original Post: Feed Your ADHD

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No Whites Allowed: Yes, This Really Happened

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While professional race-baiter Al “Somewhere Inside Me There’s a Little Boy (Because I Ate Him)” Sharpton goes for the jugular — and the contents of your House — and the owner of “Los Suns” introduces Spanglish to the NBA in protest of Arizona’s immigration law, back in the rest of real America, racism is as strong as ever:

An Ann Arbor elementary school principal used a letter home to parents tonight to defend a field trip for black students as part of his school’s efforts to close the achievement gap between white and black students.

Dicken Elementary School Principal Mike Madison wrote the letter to parents following several days of controversy at the school after a field trip last week in which black students got to hear a rocket scientist.

Yes. You read that correctly. White students weren’t even allowed to enter by the back door, let alone attend a whites-only version of the event. They were told to stay home. As Joe Biden would say, if he weren’t trying so badly to fit in, this is a big f***in’ deal.

Not settling with telling all non-black students to but out, Madison intimidated the white students who felt, and in fact were, slighted because of the color of their skin:

District spokeswoman Liz Margolis said after the trip was over, those who went returned to their fifth-grade class and were greeted by boos by those who didn’t go on the trip. Margolis said Madison, who is black, heard the boos, and went to talk to the class. She said he and the class had a “discussion” about race issues.

“He wasn’t yelling at them. He was very passionate about it,” Margolis said.

He even got away with being “anti-Muslim” (surely the ghost of a teabagger must have possessed Madison at the time):

Parents have complained he was yelling at the class and belittled a Muslim girl who said she also had experienced racism and discrimination.

If Madison were white and kept black students from attending an event, every member of the driveby media would be screaming for his resignation from the top of Mount Rushmore. You’d have the pResident of these United (in name only) States hastily calling a press conference to denounce Madison for acting stupidly. In the very least, you’d have the Detroit Tigers changing their name to the Detroit Blacks, in support of black students, for their home games this week.

Instead, we now live in a country where it’s justifiable to reverse discriminate in order to achieve Sharpton’s moronic vision of the future: We won’t have true social justice until everything is “equal in everybody’s house” — except his.

Instead, we’re left to point out the folly of the left through parody and snark, and even that practice is becoming segregated from what used to be a wide-open innerwebz faster than you can count the number of luxury homes Al Gore owns.

Instead, I’m left to admit that, for the first time in my adult life, I’m not proud of (many of the hypocritical people who live in) my country. Actually, to tell you the truth, I haven’t been proud of them since long before Nov. 4, 2008.

Cross-posted at Feed Your ADHD & Redstate

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Take This Religion and Shove It

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I was in need of some spiritual guidance yesterday in mass. Somewhere along the way these past few months I’ve let grow within me some apparent childish mid-life crisis, and in recent weeks have been a public ass to people at work, friends I’ve known for more than a decade, members of my family, and people who visit my other blog.

I prayed for peace and guidance and, most importantly, forgiveness, acknowledging to God that I need to do a lot more listening and a lot less talking. Imagine my shock when, listening, I heard the lector ask me, along with the rest of the Parish, “to pray that Congress passes much needed health care reform legislation …”

Needless to say, having protested against health care deform since the spring, I walked out, shaking with anger. Guidance like that will get you tied to the government yoke quicker than you can say hope and change and be coaxed into electing a narcissist. Read Atlas Shrugged, if you think I’m being over-the-top. You might recognize quite a few things that have already happened in the world, and will continue to happen, like this.

The Church has been all over the map on health deform, with the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops first having issued a declaration of support for the House bill in August 2009 and then declaring they did not support the Senate bill in November. The issue the Church is most concerned with, obviously, is abortion, as the House bill provides an amendment that will prohibit federal funding for abortions (but there’s no guarantee it will survive the final version of whatever legislation the House and Senate eventually agree on, if they ever do), while the Senate bill does not prohibit such funding.

But, as the American Thinker pointed out near summer’s end, the bishops have failed to address one of the largest issues, alive in both bills, that clearly has been a driving force of fervent opposition among millions of Americans: the rationing, and in essence, denial, of care, the singling out of the elderly and the infirm as groups of people who will receive less care under government health deform for the greater good of the young and healthy. So, therefore, the Church is okay with denying care, and we all know what denial of care leads to, death. What’s a word for government sanctioned death? Euthanasia. You know, like this.

This, of course, is in stark contrast to the Church’s opposition to euthanasia, as noted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, #2277:

Whatever its motives and means, direct euthanasia consists in putting an end to the lives of handicapped, sick, or dying persons. It is morally unacceptable.
Thus an act or omission which, of itself or by intention, causes death in order to eliminate suffering constitutes a murder gravely contrary to the dignity of the human person and to the respect due to the living God, his Creator.

Yesterday, I found a letter Catholic bishops sent to Congresscriminals and Obama last week (which explains why I was asked today “to pray” for health deform to get through Congress), in which they specifically request that health deform (still NOT addressing the issue of rationing):

  • Ensures access to quality, affordable, life-giving health care for all
  • Retains longstanding requirements that federal funds not be used for elective abortions or plans that include them, and effectively protects conscience rights
  • Protects the access to health care that immigrants currently have and removes current barriers to access

I can completely agree with the second bullet point, having held each of my two newborns in my hands and knowing I could never sanction their abortion, but that’s as far as I can go. I can no longer support a faith that would:

  • Have my government tax me to provide coverage for others (how the hell else are we going to pay for it?), effectively telling me that it is no longer my spiritual requirement to be charitable to others but instead my duty to the state to share my wealth on behalf of those who do not have what I may have (or, to put it more precisely, via Karl Marx,”from each according to his ability, to each according to his need”)
  • Have “health care for all” but not specifically address rationing for the elderly and infirm
  • Have access to health coverage for illegal immigrants who do not belong here and should not have any access whatsoever to government programs that Congresscriminals can’t even effectively fund for legal American citizens. Naturally it’s quite interesting which is the fastest growing group of people in the U.S. Catholic Church: Hispanics.

Clearly the Roman Catholic Church is much more concerned with surviving by playing politics than through caring for souls; its hospitals do, after all, account for 15.5% of U.S. hospital admissions.

I spared my poor wife the embarrassment of me officially writing the letter I wanted to put in the correspondence box, hanging outside the Parish Office, so apparently I’m learning to be charitable to others, so that I don’t ruin their standing in the social community of the Church.

But that’s as charitable as I’m going to be to the Catholic Church for the rest of my life, and I’ll now apparently have to seek peace and salvation elsewhere. I certainly don’t want to get my politics there.

Cross-posted at Obama’s Arrogant Chin

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Pat Dollard’s “Young Americans” Debuts at Big Hollywood

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Here’s a cross post from Feed Your ADHD.  Snarky Basterd wanted me to re-post, so here it is.

If you thought the tiny glimpse of the Iraq War you were allowed to see all those years through the polished prisms of pretty-boy liberal-run cable TV was real … get ready to have your ass blown up by an IED.

Pat Dollard, who’s gracious enough to lower his standards and let your insane narrator have a weekly spot on his site, PatDollard.com, had his tenacious and riveting and truly ground-breaking Young Americans video series debut yesterday at Big Hollywood. It’s the reportage the MSM never wanted you to know about, for fear you’d double your support for the war we won but Dirty Harry once claimed we “lost.”

Here’s a mesmerizing taste:

“…Some short-hand background: I was a William-Morris talent agent, a 17-year veteran with Steven Soderbergh as my flagship client. I wasn’t restless, I wasn’t having a mid-life crisis, nor did I go for any other cheap reason that the Left would have you believe in order to prevent you from finding any decent, substantive or, God forbid, patriotic or moral reason to film what I did. I went because my country was engaged in both a shooting and information war, and if I could do it, I faced a moral imperative to serve my country in those wars, in the best available way that I could. At the time, I was too old to enlist, so I joined the fray in the next most appropriate manner. In both the series and the story behind it, there are great heights of human achievement, the most stinging moments of human pain, the lowest depths of human failure and human evil, and loss of life of family and friends. I went to war and kept my life, but lost my family, in a bizarre reversal of the usual dark process. Someone recently told me that I have never come home. And like so many of us who journey into war, I have found that this person was inadvertently correct. Because I did come home, but home was no longer there. It really never is, if only because the home we left was in part a no-longer effective illusion, and because our vision of the natures of both the world and the men who populate it, so stripped to their essential truths by conditions that are governed by nothing more than the forces of cunning and power, has been made much clearer, and so different, that home by perception is most certainly not, and never again will be, the place that we left. We will be entirely present, we will flourish, and we will start a new home with the people we left in the old one, but no one ever returns home from war.”

Still here? What the fuck for? Click here for the preamble story and video, and follow over to Big Hollywood for the full effect, including Episode 1 of Young Americans. Then take a good hard look inside your heart and ask yourself: “Do I really want our young Americans in Afghanistan to go through all of this shit again … for nothing?”

For Snarky’s original post, check out Pat Dollard’s “Young Americans” Debuts at Big Hollywood

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You Shall Not Pass! … Obamacare

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You shall not pass!

An open letter inspired by this.

Dear Every Senator:

You shall not pass this monstrosity Harry Reid calls health “reform” because in your twisted arrogance you are blind, unable to see everyone around you recoiling in horror, from the left to the moderate to the right to the voice of the American people expressed inevery last poll spewing from the MSM. You know when CNN reports, actually reports, such widespread discontent that you people haven’t the capacity to see beyond the fog of the Twilight Zone surrounding your District of Criminals.

You shall not pass this bill because we back here in flyover country know that whatever form it eventually takes at 8:30 p.m. this Christmas Eve, after you add a slew of amendments that weigh it down like rocks strapped to a hit vic, will be only scaffolding for the final hell you and the House will consummate and birth in committee next January, a bill that will kill the only healthcare in the world worth paying for, a bill that will blanket this country with single-payer care (despite claims otherwise), a bill that will destroy our options and stifle our liberty and not even remotely resemble your pResident’s hollow mantra of “hope.”

You shall not pass this bill because we cannot sustain your shopping spree. While the number of federal employees making over $100,000 has doubled in the past 18 months, and you just gave them a raise, the unemployment rate in this country is 10 percent and higher in many states you represent and not even close to getting better. In fact, the worst is yet to come. You’ve already sent us barrelingbeyond the legal debt limit and still you spend more so that you can travel far and wide, fatcat politicians laying claim to an endless stream of someone else’s money: OURS. You shall not pass this bill because it will break this country.

How Dirty Harry Reid hides his Pork in the #HCR Bill. httptinyurl

Via Twitpic

You shall not pass this bill because this country doesn’t need another liberty controlling shell game disguised as “entitlement.” You already have entire generations of people under the loving arm of the Motherland, nuzzling against her for comfort and care, in health (we’ll get to “in sickness” in good time). You shall not pass this bill because it is NOT free and it will NOT do any good, except boost you’re own inflated and egotistical and maniacal sense of “making history.”

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to one day regret knowing that, by shoving everyone into the same healthcare plan, you destroyed our chances for ever grabbing a doctor’s time (otherwise known as creating “rationing”). You do not want to regret forcing people to become intimate with the wonderful world of waiting lists, as if we’re standing at the back of a line snaking outside our doctor’s waiting room into the hallway and outside the front door and across the street, stretching to the other side of the county. You do not want to regret forcing people to spend their waiting time being more productive than ever before … by reading War and Peace. While that’s unintended enrichment right there, Creator of Quality health care in the time it takes to read Tolstoy is not an epitaph you one day want chiseled on your tombstone.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to chase every smart kid who ever wanted to be a doctor away from medical school. Since doctors already earn less, thanks to Medicare and Medicaid, your health “reform” would push would-be medical students into something else, like garbage collection … or undertaking. Those two businesses are easily the least likely to fall under your government control anytime soon. Garbage is money, always has been (ask The Mob); and for med students, taking care of the dead would be just a few steps away from operating on the live, without the $300,000 in student loan debt or the hassles of malpractice insurance.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want be responsible for the invention of doctor trailer parks. Under Obamacare, doctors who stay in the biz (due either to their own altruistic reasons or, more likely, to government extortion in exchange for the forgiveness of student loans or practice-related debt) will experience the community joy of public assistance, using food stamps to fill a shelf or two of their refrigerators (if they even have electricity). They’ll sell their homes at a loss and move into federal trailer parks for doctors, seeing patients out of the back room to cut down on practice overhead. The parks will have names like Bones Village and Blue Star Doctors Park and Good Samaritan Estates and take the place of hospitals, saving the federal government billions annually (because, naturally, we’ll have to bail out hospitals by then, too). They’ll become tourist destinations; we’ll plan vacations around our doctor visits and then tour the grounds, letting little Jimmy ride his first x-ray machine in exchange for a $5,000 admission fee. Universities will offer classes about them, with names like Contemporary Medical Trailer Park Economics and Staph Infection in the Trailer Park Hospital. You Congresscriminals, meanwhile, will continue to conduct annual hearings on the State of the American Healthcare Crisis.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to create an entirely new travel industry. Under Obamacare, if you get cancer, you can see the world (or what’s left of it) after the Government Health Rationing Board rules you ineligible for care, saving the taxpayers (by then) billions. You’ll use your retirement savings, or what’s left after you pulled them out of the market just before The Crash of ’12 and hid them under a stone in the hearth, to take a fishing boat to Haiti, the ocean cruise business having gone under and Americans no longer visiting any country east of Bermuda after nuclear ballistic missiles, unable to reach North or South America, wiped out every other continent during Iranian President Ahmed Ahmadinejad’s failed attempts to annihilate Washington. You’ll meet a witch doctor who will make you drink chicken’s blood and mumble incantations while stuffing his face in a bong during a 4-hour ceremony to exorcise your tumor. Amazingly, you’ll recover and come back to America and live a long and healthy life, taking annual vacations (by row boat, since you’re now broke) to Haiti for preventive health care.

You shall not pass this bill because you do not want to be responsible for creating less congestion in hospital emergency rooms … for all the wrong reasons. Under Obamacare, your typical accident victim will be treated only if they still have more than 75% of their blood and all of their limbs and at least 90% cognitive function (no substitutes, please). This will preserve the dwindling blood supply and eliminate the waste of resources required to keep a patient on life support. (Plus, it will help save the planet!) And think of the boon for transplantation! Why, with all of the accident victims unworthy of treatment ending up dead, we’ll have mobile organ harvesting sites outside each doctors’ trailer park. Donor waiting lists will become obsolete … that is, of course, if the recipients are still working and able to pay their share of taxes in support of the Motherland.

You shall not pass this bill because, if ACORN can sue the federal government over funding cuts, you can bet your sweet ass millions of people in this country will gladly contribute to organizations willing to bombard you with lawsuits that will hold up your monstrosity for decades in courts. You shall not pass this bill because you can also bet your sweet ass that millions of us will refuse to purchase yourmandated health insurance. You do not want to be the reason federal courts start stuffing American people into cells at the new Thomson Penitentiary for Enemy Combatants for refusing to submit to your unconstitutional authority to fine us and jail us and even shoot us over our healthcare insurance.

And we will resist.

Finally, you shall not pass this bill because you are supposed to be the voice of the people. You represent the state from which you were elected. You do not represent yourselves. You do not represent an arrogant and indecisive and thieving and weak president who is on the wrong side of what is right and on the wrong side of history. When it comes right down to it, you shall not pass this bill because, if you do, you can kiss your life in the District of Criminals goodbye; we, the right-wing teabagging mobsters living out here in flyover country, which curiously includes the states you represent, will make sure your careers of public indecent exposure will skid to an embarrassing and resounding and infinitely final halt in 2010 or 2012 or whenever your next election happens to be.

Previously posted at Feed Your ADHD.

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