Today at Manhattan Infidel I am pleased to have as my guest the current chief executive of the empire state, Governor Andrew Cuomo himself.
MI: Good morning Governor Cuomo. I want to start by asking you a few questions about some recent comments of yours.
GC: You mean about how the Irish are savage pigs?
GC: You mean my comment that all Paddys should be banned from the workplace.
MI: Um, no.
GC: Because the Irish savages should be. I’d like to see a return to the days of the “No Irish Need Apply” signs.
It would make my heart warm, it would.
MI: Is this about your ex-wife Kerry Kennedy? You’re still bitter aren’t you.
GC: Of course not. As the governor of this great state it is my job to rise about petty grievances, even if they are with Irish scum.
MI: Okay. Now back to my question. You were recently quoted as saying that conservatives, pro-lifers and those opposed to the so-called “Safe Act” have no right being in New York.
GC: That’s right. New Yorkers are a progressive people. And if you are pro-life, pro-gun, Christian or conservative that means you’re an extremist and you should get the hell out of my state!
MI: Really? Doesn’t this seem a little, I don’t know, extreme to you?
GC: And I forgot about the Irish. They have no right in my state either.
GC: That’s why I will be introducing a bill called the “Extreme Christian Gun Lover Identification Bill.” In this bill, extreme right-wing Christians who love guns and are opposed to female reproductive freedom, will have to wear a mark on their clothing to identify themselves to the non-extremist New Yorkers. I might not be able to throw them all out of my state but by God we will identify them and warn people about their presence. They are rats. They breed disease. They must be isolated.
MI:You need help.
GC: And this is just the first step. Once they have been marked I plan to move them to segregated compounds. This is for their own safety. The non-extreme New Yorkers might take it upon themselves to attack these extremists. But not with guns. How they will do this I don’t know. Knives? Forks? Sporks? Fresh fruit?
MI: Let’s talk about that. Your so-called “Safe Act” has made it very hard for law-abiding citizens of this state to defend themselves. Yet you have armed guards. Why is your life more important than mine?
GC: I’m Andrew Cuomo, dammit.
MI: You haven’t answered my question.
GC: What are you, some sort of extremist?
MI: I’m also Irish.
GC: I thought so. Stay right there. Don’t move. I’m going to have my security guards give you a badge to wear on your clothes so real New Yorkers know you’re an extremist.
MI: Yeah, I don’t think so. By the way, will you be marching in this year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade? It’s a celebration of Irish heritage.
GC: Don’t talk to me about the Irish. A terrible thing happened to me. An Irishman dropped a safe from a 15-story building and it landed on my head and killed me.
MI:Well if you’re dead then I guess there is no sense in asking you where I can find the Susquehanna Hat Company.
[Governor Cuomo becomes agitated and starts pulling his hair and running around in circles.]
GC: Susquehanna! Susquehanna!
MI: I’ll just let myself out.
GC: Susquehanna! Susquehanna!
[Governor Cuomo collapses]
Politicians. They are a crazy bunch. Especially extremists like Governor Cuomo.
Original Post: Manhattan Infidel