Brutal Civil War Rages on Island of Misfit Toys

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For years Santa had stopped at the Island of Misfit Toys.  But no more.

“I wouldn’t go near that place anymore” said Santa.  “It’s more dangerous than Mexico, Afghanistan or Detroit.”

The culprit is politics.  For years the Island of Misfit Toys had been ruled by King Moonracer (pictured here),King Moonracer, who has never read the Federalist Papers an absolute, hereditary monarch.  But not all were happy with his rule.  Chief among them was Charlie-in-the-Box (seen here.) Charlie in the box fights the powerCharlie, who sees himself as the Island’s resident intellectual, had taken to reading the Federalist Papers and the Declaration of Independence.  Dissatisfied with his position as a subject he began to push for more civil rights and liberalization of the Island’s political structure.  As Charlie said in a manifesto he had plastered throughout the Island:

King Moonracer says he is a benevolent king.  But where is our right to vote?  Where is our right to peacefully assemble and redress grievances?  Our taxes are too high.  His Secret Police spy on us. He has an insatiable sexual appetite and uses our Island’s virgins including Dolly for Sue (pictured here)Dolly just wants to be loved for his own pleasure.  And to top it off, he’s a Red Sox fan.  Fight the power!  Up with the Republic!

Needless to say the manifestos did not sit well with King Moonracer.  Unable to arrest Charlie-in-the Box, who had gone into hiding with the I.M.T.R.A (Island of Misfit Toys Republican Army), Moonracer arrested the polka dot spotted elephant (seen here in an undated file photo)The Poka Dot Elephant, an innocent victim of political violence and had him tortured to reveal Charlie’s whereabouts.  As the elephant’s toenails were ripped off, his trunk turned inside out and electrodes attached to his genitalia, his pathetic screams could be heard around the Island.

Reaction from the Republican Army was swift.  Dozens of the King’s Secret Police were shot.  The King, in an incident now known as “Bloody Sunday“, retaliated by having his troops fire on a crowd watching a soccer match.

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As atrocities rage on both sides the fighting shows no signs of letting up, despite offers from the King of a truce, with free bread and posters of David Ortiz to those who accept his pardon.

Currently 60% of the Island is controlled by Republican forces while the other 40% is held by King Moonracer and his loyalists, including Dolly for Sue, who escaped past Republican road blocks to reunite with her lover.

“All I’ve ever wanted is to be loved” Dolly said in a farewell message to Charlie-in-the-Box. “King Moonracer loves me and he is kind to me.”

The I.M.T.R.A. for its part has declared Dolly a traitor and sentenced her to death “In absentia.”

The U.S. State Department has issued an advisory warning its citizens against traveling to the Island of Misfit Toys.

President Obama has called for a “Two state solution” with the Island partitioned into Republican and Loyalist sections.

Original Post: Manhattan Infidel

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Churchill’s Christmas Eve Address: December 24, 1941

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I saw this, posted by Publius, at Big Government, and thought I would share it here.  We’re all facing struggles at this time, but in 1941, we were facing something darker.  To reflect that, here is Winston Churchill’s Christmas Eve address to the American people, dated December 24, 1941.

I spend this anniversary and festival far from my country, far from my family, yet I cannot truthfully say that I feel far from home.  Whether it be the ties of blood on my mother’s side, or the friendships I have developed here over many years of active life, or the commanding sentiment of comradeship in the common cause of great peoples who speak the same language, who kneel at the same altars and, to a very large extent, pursue the same ideals, I cannot feel myself a stranger here in the centre and at the summit of the United States.  I feel a sense of unity and fraternal association which, added to the kindliness of your welcome,  convinces me that I have a right to sit at your fireside and share your Christmas joys.

This is a strange Christmas Eve.  Almost the whole world is locked in deadly struggle, and, with the most terrible weapons which science can devise, the nations advance upon each other.  Ill would it be for us this Christmastide if we were not sure that no greed for the land or wealth of any other people, no vulgar ambition, no morbid lust for material gain at the expense of others, had led us to the field.  Here, in the midst of war, raging and roaring over all the lands and seas, creeping nearer to our hearts and homes, here, amid all the tumult, we have tonight the peace of the spirit in each cottage home and in every generous heart.  Therefore we may cast aside for this night at least the cares and dangers which beset us, and make for the children an evening of happiness in a world of storm.  Here, then, for one night only, each home throughout the English-speaking world should be a brightly-lighted island of happiness and peace.

Let the children have their night of fun and laughter.  Let the gifts of Father Christmas delight their play.  Let us grown-ups share to the full in their unstinted pleasures before we turn again to the stern task and the formidable years that lie before us, resolved that, by our sacrifice and daring, these same children shall not be robbed of their inheritance or denied their right to live in a free and decent world.

And so, in God’s mercy, a happy Christmas to you all.

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