King Moonracer Killed in Drone Attack!

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I support the United States and the war on....um...what's that noise?

I support the United States and the war on….um…what’s that noise?

In  what will certainly be a major embarrassment for the Obama Administration, a key ally in the War on Terror, King Moonracer, was killed in a drone attack yesterday.

Multiple sources confirm that King Moonracer was killed at 2:40 pm local time while strolling the grounds of his palace waiting for an Amazon drone to deliver his copy of the Complete Bing Crosby Christmas Specials.

“Our beloved King is dead” ran the official statement.

He spent his entire life caring for his subjects. Many a resident of the Island of Misfit Toys remembers fondly the Christmas Eve tradition of his majesty inviting us to the Royal Castle so we could all watch the Bing Crosby Christmas Specials together. Now all that is gone because of American militarism.

While the incident is still being investigated, it appears that King Moonracer was the victim of a programming malfunction. At the same exact moment that the king placed his order for a fresh copy of Crosby’s specials, the CIA had launched a drone to take out an al Qaeda leader.

In a series of tragic mistakes the CIA drone was misdirected to Moonracer’s castle while the Amazon drone safely delivered its package to a warlord in Somalia.

Witnesses say that Moonracer was pacing about impatiently awaiting his delivery when the drone appeared over his castle.

“That’s it!  That’s the drone that’s going to deliver the Bing Crosby shows for the kids” exclaimed Moonracer excitedly.

Instead the drone launched a missile at Moonracer, severely injuring him.

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As he lay in the wreckage of his castle, his tail torn off,  three limbs missing and and eye socket blown out, Moonracer moaned, “Why?  Why would Bing Crosby do this to me?”

Its software sensing that Moonracer was still alive, a second missile was launched, this time fatally killing the King.

“Dude, his body parts were blown all over the island” said a resident.

In Somalia, meanwhile, al Qaeda warlords ran for cover as the Amazon drone appeared overhead.

“Many thought they were going to die” according to witnesses.

Instead the drone softly landed in their compound and delivered the Bing Crosby DVDs.  The warlords were confused at first, with many fearing it was an American trick.

“Do you see how the Americans mock us with this decadent Bing person!”

The DVDs were burned and the unfortunate drone left to be mounted by goats.

From Washington President Obama apologized for the unfortunate death of King Moonracer and praised his leadership, calling him an important ally in the war on terror.

The Island of Misfit Toys has declared a state of emergency placing its military in a high state of alert for a possible attack on the United States.

“Never again will we allow the United States to attack us” said its acting leader, the polka dot spotted elephant.

Original Post: Manhattan Infidel

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Talking Snowman Who Sounds A Lot Like Burl Ives May Be Pure Evil

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With the Fed's quantitative easing policies you man want to invest in silver and gold.

With the Fed’s quantitative easing policies you may want to invest in silver and gold.

 

A talking snowman carrying a banjo and umbrella who sounds suspiciously like Burl Ives has been terrorizing local residents.

 

“Yeah, we’re all pretty creeped out” said the local sheriff.

 

He keeps wandering around trying to talk to the school kids.  We’d arrest him but he hasn’t technically done anything wrong.  And he sounds a lot like Burl Ives.  Look I know the kids don’t know who Burl Ives is and that’s a shame.  The man could sing.

 

Another resident complains that the mystery snowman keeps ringing their doorbell and serenading them.

 

I’m getting my kids ready for school and the bell rings.  So I answer it. What do I see?  The snowman.  He had  a banjo with him and he kept singing this song called “Silver and Gold.”  I can’t remember all the lyrics but it went something like “Silver and gold/silver and gold/Everyone wishes for silver and gold/how do you measure its worth?/Just by the pleasure it gives here on Earth.”  I can’t figure out why he was singing that.  Maybe he was trying to warn us about the Feds quantitative easing policy?  I don’t know.  I should have slammed the door in his face but he sounded like Burl Ives and I wanted my kids to hear him.  You know Burl Ives could sing!

 

There are many theories as to who this banjo-playing snowman with the pleasant singing voice is and what he wants.  Some believe he’s a homeless man.  Others believe he is a prophet.  But the prevailing opinion seems to be that he is pure evil and his advent presages the destruction of mankind.

 

According to a teacher at the high school many townspeople have heeded the arrival of the snowman and stopped working.

 

I haven’t shown up to school in about a week.  I’ve built an altar to the snowman god in my basement.  I’ve sacrificed my pets over the altar.  My children will probably be next.  I can think of no higher honor for them than to be sacrificed to the snowman god. And who knows. They might actually gain an appreciation for Burl Ives in the process.

 

From Washington DC, President Obama has ordered a drone strike in hopes of ending the snowman’s hold over the town.

 

I would have preferred a surgical strike on just the snowman but the town has to go as well.  Who knows how many have already been infected by him.  Shame really.  I always like the smooth stylings of Burl Ives.

 

The President has also ordered that the a new drone program against snowmen be set in place.

“The ones that don’t look like Burl Ives will be taken out.  The ones that do will be co-opted.”

Original Post: Manhattan Infidel

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Live Feed for Rand Paul’s Filibuster

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Rand Paul is using a good old fashioned filibuster to delay the nomination of John Brennan for CIA Director.  His focus is drones and the Obama’s Administration assertion that the president can not only order the killing of Americans-not only abroad, but domestically as well.  Since the government has already declared his opposition as “potential terrorists.”  There are rather chilling implications for being a declared terrorist, potential or otherwise.

At any rate, here is the video, via Raw Story…

I will stickie this for the duration.

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Benghazi Update: What Did President Obama do from 5:30 PM to 7:30 PM on September 11, 2012, An Analysis of the Timeline and Administration Responses

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The buck stops at the top on this one. Via memeorandum I saw this CBS News storyCould U.S. military have helped during Libya attack?:

…Some lawmakers are asking why U.S. military help from outside Libya didn’t arrive as terrorists battered more than 30 Americans over the course of more than seven hours. The assault was launched by an armed mob of dozens that torched buildings and used rocket propelled grenades, mortars and AK-47 rifles.

CBS News has been told that, hours after the attack began, an unmanned Predator drone was sent over the U.S. mission in Benghazi, and that the drone and other reconnaissance aircraft apparently observed the final hours of the protracted battle….

…Retired CIA officer Gary Berntsen believes help could have come much sooner. He commanded CIA counter-terrorism missions targeting Osama bin Laden and led the team that responded after bombings of the U.S. Embassy in East Africa.

“You find a way to make this happen,” Berntsen says. “There isn’t a plan for every single engagement. Sometimes you have to be able to make adjustments. They made zero adjustments in this. They stood and they watched and our people died.”

The Pentagon says it did move a team of special operators from central Europe to the large Naval Air Station in Sigonella, Italy, but gave no other details. Sigonella is just an hour’s flight from Libya. Other nearby bases include Aviano and Souda Bay. Military sources tell CBS News that resources at the three bases include fighter jets and Specter AC-130 gunships, which the sources say can be extremely effective in flying in and buzzing a crowd to disperse it….

…Add to the controversy the fact that the last two Americans didn’t die until more than six hours into the attack, and the question of U.S. military help becomes very important…

The 3 AM phone call came in to someone (either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama) saying that our mission in Libya was under attack, that our Ambassador was locked in a life-and-death struggle with terrorists, that we were observing in real time the firefight from a drone, and that we had gunships and fighter jets within ‘an hour’s flight’ away. And nothing was done.

In fact, according to the report here, for several hours our drone watched the battle, and nothing was done. Let me just speculate out loud for a minute and try to figure out (based on this report) how the situation could have played out differently. According the timeline, security forces arrived at about 2:30 AM to retake the compound, so let’s work backwards from there. All times in Benghazi time.

If the drone had indeed watched ‘the final hours’, one can speculate that it arrived on the scene at the latest of 12:30 AM, the authorities took a couple minutes to assess the situation, then they dispatched fighter jets and gunships and transports, which took a little over an hour to arrive, putting help on the scene at 2 AM- a full 30 minutes earlier than they are reported to have arrived there. This probably doesn’t change much, although it does give authorities another 30 minutes to catch/kill the bad guys, recover sensitive information, and possibly discover where our Ambassador is.

But if the drone arrived earlier (12:00 or earlier) or help was dispatched as soon as the call for a drone went in (I’m not sure where the drone came from), than our forces might have arrived on the scene by 1:30 and been able to find the Ambassador’s body (not yet dead- maybe able to save with our medical technology) or 1:00 to rescue the Ambassador and prevent his death. If the drone was dispatched from Sigonella, then it is reasonable that help could have also been sent at the same time, and Stevens would have been saved for sure.

The timeline here is important, because someone dropped the ball and four Americans- including our Ambassador- are now dead because of that mistake.

Benghazi is 6 hours ahead of east coast time (Washington DC). So if the compound was attacked at 10 pm on September 11 (Benghazi time), that means it was 4:00 pm on September 11 in Washington DC. Around 11 pm (5 pm Eastern time), the fighting continues to rage around the main building. Around 12 am (6 pm eastern time), the annex comes under attack. Around 1 am (7 pm eastern time), Stevens is pulled out of the annex, alive by some reports. Around 2:30 am (8:30 eastern time), US forces retake the annex.

According to the President’s scheduleon that day he was going to be departing from Bethesda, Maryland at 4:40 PM en route the White House, arrive back to the White House at 4:50, and at 5:00 he would meet (along with Joe Biden) with the Secretary of Defense Panetta. At 7:51 pm we get a report that our compound in Libya has been attacked, at 10:10 pm we get an unnamed administration official saying that Egypt embassy statements don’t reflect White House views, 10:38 pm the Secretary of State issued a statement, at 12:09 am Obama spokesman tweets that the White House is shocked by Romney’s earlier tweets, at 7:21 am on September 12 Obama issued a statement. (source on statements)

I have been unable to establish (through an hour of searching google) anything further regarding the President’s actions to counter this schedule on September 11 that would shed more light on his actions, including where was the President, what did he know, and when did he know it.

According to reports, the President was aware about the attack about 90 minutes after it began- about 5:30. Give him a couple minutes to take in the information and figure out our response, and by 6:00 pm at the latest he’s ordered our boys in to rescue our people under attack. Given a ‘one hour response time’, that puts our forces in control of the compound at 7:00 pm, or 1:00 AM Benghazi time, right around the time that the annex was under attack and BEFORE the Ambassador was dead. But that didn’t happen.

Although some are saying that President Obama simply heard the news and then went to bed, I was unable to find any evidence of this or any sort of reaction by the administration. The first responses by the administration at 10:10 pm (4 am Benghazi) playing defense regarding statements from the embassy in Egypt and at 12:09 am (6 am Benghazi) a political response attacking his opponent in an upcoming election- but Obama and the media have been silent about what President Obama did between 5:30 pm and the next day.

I’m most concerned myself regarding the President’s actions between 5:30 pm and 7:30 pm- during that 2 hour window the President was in the unique position to do something to save Americans lives and prevent bad guys from killing our Ambassador, and it is still today, some time later, that we are unclear about just what he was doing during that time period. It’s too early for him to be in bed, so I don’t think that was it- but it would not surprise me if he was watching TV or a movie or eating some sort of fancy meal during that time instead of DOING HIS JOB and working to defend American citizens, soldiers, and diplomats.

So it wasn’t a ‘3 AM’ phone call- but when the phone rang at 5:30 and the President was briefed about what was going on (with information fed to him then or soon after by an unmanned drone), the President was thrust into a position to make a call and exercise leadership to save American lives… and there is no evidence from him or anyone else that he did so in any way. Instead he soon was back to playing politics and jetting off to fundraise before celebrities, proving once more that he is unfit for command and should be relieved of his duties as Commander-in-Chief and President of the United States of America.

Original Post:  A Conservative Teacher

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