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Keith Richards

Keith Richards Writes Children’s Book!

I do not like green eggs and heroin.   Keith Richards, legendary guitarist for the Rolling Stones, has announced that he is writing a children’s book.   “It’s true” said Mr. Richards on his website.   I have just become a grandfather for the fifth time, so I know what I’m talking about. The bond, the special bond, between kids and grandparents is unique and should be treasured. I hope one day to have grandchildren.  What?  Five of them?  Are you sure?  How did this happen?  I don’t even remember having kids.   We here at the worldwide headquarters of […]

Keith Richards Joins Cast of Walking Dead

The Walking Dead, now starring Keith Richards The executive producers of AMC’s hit show The Walking Dead have announced that Keith Richards  (pictured here) Keith Richards on the set of The Walking Dead No wait, I’m sorry.  That wasn’t Keith Richards.  Here is a recent photo of Keith Richards: Here is a recent photo of Keith Richards. No wait.  I apologize again.  That wasn’t Keith Richards.  This is Keith Richards: This is the real Keith Richards I’m sorry.  I feel so embarrassed.  That wasn’t Keith Richards either.  This is an actual photo of Keith Richards: Keith Richards at a recent […]

Orville Redenbacher Scandal Widens

The controversy surrounding Orville Redenbacher and his iconic brand of popcorn grows deeper with each stunning revelation. The scandal first erupted when several college students made trips to emergency rooms complaining that they couldn’t sleep, were nervous, couldn’t concentrate and that their testicles had dropped off. “At first we though they were Business Administration majors because, you know, like capitalism is evil” said one ER doctor. But then more people from different walks of life started complaining of the same symptoms. Doctors from the Center for Disease Control arrived to conduct an investigation.  What they found surprised and troubled them. Before […]