I support the United States and the war on….um…what’s that noise?
In what will certainly be a major embarrassment for the Obama Administration, a key ally in the War on Terror, King Moonracer, was killed in a drone attack yesterday.
Multiple sources confirm that King Moonracer was killed at 2:40 pm local time while strolling the grounds of his palace waiting for an Amazon drone to deliver his copy of the Complete Bing Crosby Christmas Specials.
“Our beloved King is dead” ran the official statement.
He spent his entire life caring for his subjects. Many a resident of the Island of Misfit Toys remembers fondly the Christmas Eve tradition of his majesty inviting us to the Royal Castle so we could all watch the Bing Crosby Christmas Specials together. Now all that is gone because of American militarism.
While the incident is still being investigated, it appears that King Moonracer was the victim of a programming malfunction. At the same exact moment that the king placed his order for a fresh copy of Crosby’s specials, the CIA had launched a drone to take out an al Qaeda leader.
In a series of tragic mistakes the CIA drone was misdirected to Moonracer’s castle while the Amazon drone safely delivered its package to a warlord in Somalia.
Witnesses say that Moonracer was pacing about impatiently awaiting his delivery when the drone appeared over his castle.
“That’s it! That’s the drone that’s going to deliver the Bing Crosby shows for the kids” exclaimed Moonracer excitedly.
Instead the drone launched a missile at Moonracer, severely injuring him.
As he lay in the wreckage of his castle, his tail torn off, three limbs missing and and eye socket blown out, Moonracer moaned, “Why? Why would Bing Crosby do this to me?”
Its software sensing that Moonracer was still alive, a second missile was launched, this time fatally killing the King.
“Dude, his body parts were blown all over the island” said a resident.
In Somalia, meanwhile, al Qaeda warlords ran for cover as the Amazon drone appeared overhead.
“Many thought they were going to die” according to witnesses.
Instead the drone softly landed in their compound and delivered the Bing Crosby DVDs. The warlords were confused at first, with many fearing it was an American trick.
“Do you see how the Americans mock us with this decadent Bing person!”
The DVDs were burned and the unfortunate drone left to be mounted by goats.
From Washington President Obama apologized for the unfortunate death of King Moonracer and praised his leadership, calling him an important ally in the war on terror.
The Island of Misfit Toys has declared a state of emergency placing its military in a high state of alert for a possible attack on the United States.
“Never again will we allow the United States to attack us” said its acting leader, the polka dot spotted elephant.
Original Post: Manhattan Infidel