Fifteen years ago, or even a scant ten years ago, coming out as a lesbian would have been the final nail in the coffin of any candidate for the office of President of the United States.
Eh, not so much. In fact, it will probably help things for the scandal-ridden Democratic White House hopeful, Hillary Clinton.
If anytime in American history is a good time for someone to come out of the closet, this is the time. Today’s media headlines prove that nothing will assure you greater love, acceptance, and applause from the chattering classes than “bravely” admitting that you’re gay. Make that announcement and all past sins are forgiven – even, perhaps, having been married to the President who signed the “Defense of Marriage Act.” Yes, we’re talking about Hillary Clinton. It appears that, in a shock-filled, soon-to-be published autobiography, she’ll finally acknowledge the truth of all those rumors about her being a not-so-closeted bisexual.
The rumors have been floating around forever, starting with whispers that she “experimented” with lesbian sex while at Wellesley. Such rumors, though, always dogged any rather unfeminine, aggressive woman who graduated from one of those politicized, all-girl colleges back in the late 1960s. It was the era of “burn your bra and try sex with a woman.” Given how generic those allegations were, it was easy for Hillary to shake them off.
And in her upcoming book, she plans to not only reveal her sexual proclivities, but also her version of the Lewinski scandal, Bill’s drinking problem and the real place that Osama bin Laden’s body is.
For those of you who always thought that Hillary was lying about everything, you’re about to be proven right. Moreover, the news is going to come from a very unexpected source: Hillary herself.
The National Enquirer, which has stuck very close to honest reporting since getting burned in a long-ago libel suit, reports that Hillary has decided to stop the lies and tell the truth in an upcoming memoir. Simon & Schuster will pay her $25 million for writing the book, which she hopes will inoculate her 2016 presidential run against any future ugly revelations.
According to the National Enquirer’s source, a person who is allegedly one of Hillary’s close friends, “By writing this tell-all, Hillary will settle old scores and get revenge on her enemies.” Those enemies apparently include Barack and Michelle Obama, since pre-publication rumors have it that Hillary will report about Barack’s drinking problem and the Obamas’ serious marital problems. Hillary also plans to attack Valeria Jarrett, who is Obama’s right-hand woman and the person many believe is the real power in the White House.
The book isn’t just about the personal. As part of her attack on the Obamas, Hillary will detail her battles with Valerie Jarrett, “Obama’s brain,” to get a green light on attacking Osama bin Laden. Hillary also plans to detail the fight she had with the White House over Osama’s bloodied, bullet-ridden corpse. Hillary claims that she wanted it returned to the U.S. as proof that he was dead. Obama instead opted for a secret burial at sea (and Hillary promises to reveal the real location) so as not to inflame Muslim sensibilities.
Hillary also intends to admit what many have known for years, but which her friends and ex-lovers have never confirmed: she’s bisexual and has had lesbian affairs. The National Enquirer smugly notes that the memoir will confirm one of its past reports that a veterinarian who came to the White House to treat Socks, the White House cat, caught Hillary in a steamy (and adulterous) embrace with another woman.
For those who still care about Monica Lewinsky, whose sexual shenanigans with Bill almost lost Bill and Hillary the White House, Hillary will finally talk about her version of those events. According to Hillary’s view of things, Monica got word to Hillary that Bill was in love with Monica and wanted to start a family with him (and that she was even planning on getting pregnant without Bill’s consent). Hillary’s response to this news was to throw up in a White House bathroom.
And why is she doing all this now? For two good reasons; first coming out now gets her a big voting block in the Gay Community and second, it deflates any attacks against her, whether they be from the Right or the Left.
Hillary’s plan is that this book, by telling all her dirty little secrets in advance, will clear the way for a 2016 presidential run since none of her opponents will have any dirt to spill on her. The mere fact that she feels compelled to write this book indicates that the Obamas have already gathered this information and, moreover, that they would have used it if Hillary had looked set to sweep the Democrat primaries in 2008. Releasing dirt on his Democrat opponents as a way to clear the field is, after all, vintage Obama.
The MSM will pick this up and run with it, lauding her “bravery” every step of the way instead of asking her why she’s lied all these years. She’s stayed married to Bill and committed adultery on him ad infinitum, which compromises the security of our nation. Anytime an elected official in high office can have something held over their head, then the safety and security of our country is endangered.
Party partisans will no doubt applaud Hillary for her bravery in “coming out” (not that it’s very brave if everyone you care about thinks it’s a wonderful thing to do). It will be more interesting to see how ordinary Americans feel when they discover that the woman seeking the White House has lied to them every step of the way for decades.