The State Department Wants You!

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Join the State Department and party like it's 1999!

Note:  Through my sources in the government I watch The West Wing I have discovered that the following email will be sent out to all college graduates.

Have you considered a career in the State Department?  While not as glamorous as a career in the NSA we at the State Department like to think of ourselves as the “Party Hardy” branch of the government.  Just ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I want to serve the United States in important positions overseas?
  • Do I want access to top quality European porn?
  • Do I like European prostitutes?
  • Would I enjoy sexually assaulting locals?
  • Would I enjoy ditching my security detail to have sex with underage girls?

If you answered yes to these questions then the State Department would like to hear from you.

The State Department:  Serving America and our employee’s libidos for two centuries.

Corporate Culture is what it is all about.  We aren’t the NSA:  A bunch of drab, humorless careerists who only want to datamine your personal information. Have you ever been to an NSA Christmas party? B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ring.  Not so life at the State Department.  Just look at our Secretary.  He has party animal written all over him.

...Old time rock and roll

…Old time rock and roll

Eat my waves, NSA!

Eat my waves, NSA!

Duck season!  Rabbit season!

Duck season! Rabbit season!

Have you heard his latest plan for peace in the Mideast?  Come on.  Don’t tell us we aren’t the Department with a sense of humor.  But don’t take our word for it.  Listen to the testimonials of State Department employees:

Howard Gutman, US Ambassador to Belgium:

Never let your so-called security detail stop you from having fun

Never let your so-called security detail stop you from having fun

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“Sure I have a so-called security detail but that’s just in case a Christian suicide bomber tries to kill me.  As ambassador I am allowed to ditch security so that I can solicit sexual favors from prostitutes and minors.  IN YOUR FACE NSA!”

Chuck Lisenbee, Beirut Regional Security Office:

“I joined the State Department for one reason:  All the sex.  Do you know how many local security guards I have sexually assaulted?  And I’ve done it all over the world.  Beirut, Baghdad, Khartoum, Monrovia. You name it.  I’ve banged it. Do you think you’re going to get that type of action in the NSA?”

And how about Former Secretary Hillary Clinton’s entire security detail?  They all hired prostitutes while traveling with Hillary in Russia and Columbia. In fact the unofficial slogan of Hillary’s detail was “The Blue Dress Brigade”, a tribute to Monica Lewinsky.

Do you think you’re going to get this kind of action in the NSA?  That said if you receive any offers in the mail from them, tear it up!

Don’t you wish your employer was hot like us?

Don’t you wish your employer was a freak like us?

Don’t cha?

Don’t cha?

Don’t you wish your employer was raw like us?

Don’t you wish your employer was fun like us?

Don’t cha?

Don’t cha?

So join the State Department now.  And don’t worry about being held accountable for your actions.  As a federal employee you are above the law!

We hope to see you soon at our recruitment kegger!

And there you have it readers.  I for one will be quitting this blog to sign up with the State Department.  I hope they send me to Japan.  Japanese women are hot.

Original Post: Manhattan Infidel

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The Progressive Message Is Marketable-The Conservative Message Is Not

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Scott Pinsker is a marketing and publicity expert. He has written a two-part article for Fox News, in which he analyses the 2012 election results from a marketing point of view and explains why the Democrats won and the Republicans lost.

In Part 1, Pinsker explains the difference in the two parties today. He calls the Democrats the Plaintiff Party and the Republicans the Ideology Party. Let´s see what he means.

Democratic Party

The Democratic Party is a “plaintiff party,” where various constituencies lobby to wield government power.  As the lone plaintiff party, Democrats attract voters who (rightly) recognize that their lives would be improved by reallocating American resources.

A plaintiff party is ideally positioned to attract immigrants, minorities and other groups who’ve faced historic disadvantages, because these groups are often the stated beneficiary of the plaintiff party’s legislation.  The faster these segments grow, the greater the plaintiff party’s advantage.

Basically what Mr. Pinsker is saying is that the Progressives (Democrats) have successfully divided the American electorate into voting blocks and have positioned themselves as the party that understands and is sympathetic to the issues that are important to each voting block.

Republican Party

The Republican Party is an “ideology party,” and the dominant ideology is conservatism.  Instead of using government power to advance the interests of aggrieved demographic blocks, the Republican Party seeks the support of Americans who share conservative principles: limited government, personal liberty and traditional values.  Republicans view the world in ideological terms: Ideas and policies either reflect conservative principles or they’re “wrong.”

The author then relates how the Republican candidate Romney ran hard right during the primaries and then moved to the middle during the actual campaign to try to make the election about the economy and Obama’s poor record and in doing so he avoided all wedge issues in order to appeal to the independent voters. But, we know that Obama didn’t run on his record for obvious reasons. His goal was to divide and conquer. He would use wedge issues to his advantage.

 His campaign was a shameless, unapologetic barrage of wedge-issues.  Just to expand the gender-gap: Republicans are waging a “War on Women!”  They’ll take away your birth control pills!  They’re attacking Sandra Fluke!  They’ll kill Planned Parenthood!  Out-of-touch Romney needs “binders of women!”  Republicans support “legitimate” rape!  They’ll ban abortion!

And, the Plaintiff Party strategy of divide and conquer and pandering to voting blocks worked.

…Obama’s base wasn’t motivated by the economy.  Nor were they motivated by ideology. What motivated Obama’s base was the “politics of personal association” – associations forged by class, ethnicity and other factors – and one candidate understood “them” much better than the other.  In exit-polling, Obama trumped Romney 81% to 18% on empathy.

Empathy??? The economy is in the tank and millions of people are unemployed and middle class income is falling and the we ar sixteen trillion dollars in debt and we continue to borrow or print over a trillion dollars per year just to keep our ship of state afloat; and the majority of voters were more concerned with which candidate feels my pain.

In Part 2, after educating us on how good marketing works, Mr. Pinsker explains what Republicans (Conservatives) have done wrong and what they need to do if they want to win elections.

Republicans must stop trying to make every issue a battle of ideology. It’s a losing proposition, and demographical shifts will only compound this problem in future elections. YOU might be motivated by an ideological argument.But that’s not who you’re marketing to, and if a voter isn’t motivated by ideology, STOP ARGUING IDEOLOGY!

{…}

Republicans must define ALL the benefits of conservative outcomes.Then they must develop comprehensive profiles of every voting block. Next, they must accentuate the conservative benefits that each voting block most values. Republicans must empathetically sell this message, because non-ideological voters don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Really,  Mr. Pinsker? In order to win elections, we must “accentuate the conservative benefits that each voting block most values”? If we are the party that believes in limited government, personal liberty and traditional values, then what values do we have in common with the Sandra Flukes of America or with La Raza followers or with the SEIU and the UAW or with people who can’t contain their excitement over having  a Obamaphone or with those who think it is fine to take from the rich and redistribute it to everyone else or with those who have lived for generations on our welfare system? No, Mr. Pinsker. If we do what you suggest, we wouldn’t be “conservatives” any more. We would only be members of a party called the Republicans and we would be selling the same snake oil as the Democratic (Plaintiff) Party.

Ronald Reagan didn’t have to pander to voting blocks to sell conservatism. But, he was a good salesman, wasn’t he? So, where are our conservative value salesmen today?

Well, now you know what I’m thinking. What are your thoughts?

Original Post: Conservatives on Fire

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