The defeat of the Republican candidate for president was in large part due to the loss of the all-important Hispanic (or is it Latino?) vote. Having spent the entire week since the election pouring over the available data moving the bodies from my crawlspace to a remote upstate location I now present my exclusive ten-point program to win the Latino (or is it Hispanic?) vote. But first let me address a few words to my Hispanic (or is it Latino?) friends. My Spanish is faulty so I apologize for butchering your fine language that has brought the world so much besides [...]

