Tim Tebow to Restart NFL Career by Murdering People

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How can a football player be respected if he's never committed a felony?

How can a football player be respected if he’s never committed a felony?

 

Former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow has a new plan to resuscitate his failing career: Murder!

 

“Tim Tebow is a controversial figure” said New York Daily News sports columnist Mike Lupica.

He believes in God.  He has never murdered anyone. Hell, he doesn’t even have a criminal record.  How can a man like this expect to play in the NFL?  He’s a controversial, divisive figure and unless he changes he will never play again. 

 

Tebow has been in talks with retired NFL legend Ray Lewis about the possibility of opening a murder career.

 

“Ray has given me some good advice” said Tebow.

 

Murdering people isn’t as easy as it looks.  There’s a lot of planning that goes into it. And then there’s the alibi.  Ray taught me that murder is all about the alibi.  ”Make sure you dump the blood-stained suit you wore during the killing in a garbage dump outside a fast food restaurant” he told me.  So I guess my first murder will be somewhere near a fast food joint.  I think.  I’m still new to this.

 

Throughout the NFL the reaction has been positive to Tebow’s decision to become a murderer.

 

“The NFL represents what is best about America:  Competition, rampant steroid abuse and a high murder rate” declared ESPN analyst Keyshawn Johnson.

 

If Tebow wants to be respected and welcomed into the NFL he had better start committing a few felonies. And I don’t mean the white collar ones like tax fraud and rape.

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Tebow is confident that by following Lewis’ advice he will once again be in the NFL.  Though there have been some bumps along the road.

 

“I told him to try stealing a woman’s purse” said Lewis.

 

He stole it but then took out the money and credit cards and gave it back to the old lady.  I just don’t understand these Christians!  They’re so controversial!

 

Experts are certain that Tebow has enough time to commit murder and be a productive player in the 2014 season.

 

Last night Tebow showed up at a nightclub in Miami with a woman on each arm.

 

“I’m Tim Tebow and these are my ‘hos. I am going to have relations with them later” he told anyone who would listen.

 

Attention was also drawn to the dead fetus he was wearing around his neck.

 

“Baby steps” said Tebow.  ”Baby steps.”

It is not known whether Tebow had personally murdered the fetus but analysts agree it shows his commitment to live the NFL lifestyle.

Original Post: Manhattan Infidel

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Bob Costas Blames Controversial Tim Tebow Non-Shooting on Religion; Calls for “Jesus Control”

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We must control the Jesus freaks!

In the wake of another weekend gone by without a shooting by Tim Tebow, NBC sports personality Bob Costas used halftime to speak on the subject and advocate for “Jesus Control.

We here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel are not in the business of advocating for any position.  But in my capacity as a bitter, lonely alcoholic who has never known the touch of a woman member of the mainstream media I have decided to give the full transcript of Costas’ remarks.

In the aftermath of the nonfatal nonshooting nontragedy involving notorious Christian Tim Tebow that most mindless of sports cliches was heard again: “Hey the stripper gave me V.D.”  Um. No not that cliche.  This one: “Something like this really puts it all in perspective.”  Please. 

You want some actual perspective on this?  Our current “Jesus culture” ensures that more and more nonfatal nontragic nonshootings will occur. And more and more the ultimate tragedy will occur:  I will not have a chance to sound sanctimonious.  Jesus does not enhance our safety.  He exacerbates our flaws, tempts us to not escalate our arguments, and baits us into not embracing confrontation.   In the coming days Tim Tebow’s nonactions will be analyzed.  Who knows.  But this is what I believe.  If Tim Tebow didn’t believe in Jesus he might have possessed a gun and two or more people would be dead today.

Make no mistake.  Tim Tebow is a controversial figure who doesn’t share the values of the National Football League or its players.  Tim Tebow is not violent.  He is not promiscuous.  He has never ordered the murder of a woman carrying his child.  Or indeed murdered her himself.

Let me give you this personal story of a confrontation I had with Tebow.  I once asked him if he wanted to share the hooker I had in my hotel room in Denver.  He refused!  What sort of NFL player refuses sloppy anal seconds with a scanky, drugged up whore?  I’ll tell you who:  Tim Tebow!  “Jesus wouldn’t want me to do that he said.”  Please!

That’s why I’d like to use my halftime platform to call for “Jesus control.”  The belief in Jesus must be restricted at federal and state level.  Sure, you can still go to your so-called Sunday church services. But when you leave that church you better put Jesus freakism behind you and share our values.  Grab a hooker, get her coked up and dump her in an alley once you’ve done your business.  Buy a gun.  Shoot the woman carrying your child in the belly!   If you do that America will be a better place.

And now on to the second half of our game where I expect to see more bone-crushing hits and career ending concussions.

Wow.  Let the reader decide which side of the Jesus control question he stands on.

Manhattan Infidel

Original Post:  Manhattan Infidel

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Some Thoughts on Tim Tebow

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Yes, his throwing motion makes people cringe.

Yes, he stats are great…for the 1940’s.

Yes, he’s winning ugly, being ineffective for all but the last few minutes of any game.

Yes, he’s running an offense that was outmoded decades ago.

Yes, he’s benefiting from a great defense, that keeps his team in games.

But, he is winning. In fact, he is the personification of “winning ugly.”

Of course, he’s a new, inexperienced starting QB, and, in most circumstances, that would be a marginal story.  New starters, especially at QB, struggle, and the notable thing would be that he’s winning.  However, the reason that this is such a big story is that Tebow is a Christian, and a rather outspoken one at that.  That has prompted some praise, and large amounts of condemnation.  Here is a sampling…

HATE Tim Tebow | Facebook

Why I hate Tim Tebow – Outsports

Bill Press Calls Tells Tim Tebow to Shut Up About Jesus | TheBlaze 

What do I think?  I believe that Tebow is a natural leader.  His teammates play for him, and do not give up on him.  If you are surrounded by people that fight for you, you must be doing something right.  Will Tebow win a Super Bowl?  Will he even be succuessful in the long term?  I have no idea.  What seems to be clear, though, is that Tebow has leadership skills that would carry over into anything that he tries.  He’ll be very successful somewhere, it’s only a question of where and how.

As for the people that hate him, there are some reasons for that…

If the world hateth you, ye know that it hath hated me before it hated you.

If ye were of the world, the world would love its own: but because ye are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

Remember the word that I said unto you, A servant is not greater than his lord. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also.

But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me.

Holy Bible, American Standard Translation.  John 15:18-21

If people are in open rebellion against God, it logically follows that they would attack his followers.

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Tebow Derangement Syndrome Revisited: NOW Wins in Hypocrisy and Fail Category

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I think by now, we all have seen the Focus on the Family sponsored Super Bowl ad.  The ad received quite a bit of hype, even before it was  seen.  As a review, here is the ad.


As you can see, this is clearly the most insidious and evil advertisement the world has ever seen.  At least, that’s what the National Organization of Women would have us believe.

Steve Ertelt at LifeNew is reporting that the National Organization for Women’s [NOW] President Terry O’Neil told the Los Angeles Times that the Mr. Tebow’s tackling his mother promotes Domestic Violence.:

In remarks that are raising eyebrows from pro-life advocates, NOW president Terry O’Neill said that bit of the ad glorified violence against women.

“I am blown away at the celebration of the violence against women in it,” she told the Los Angeles Times. “That’s what comes across to me even more strongly than the anti-abortion message. I myself am a survivor of domestic violence, and I don’t find it charming. I think CBS should be ashamed of itself.”

So, this ad promotes violence against women??  Then I guess they REALLY blew a fuse over this one…

I mean, this one is 34 seconds of concentrated hate, right?  Not only do they violently tackle Betty White, they then verbally abuse her.  Then, they drill Abe Vigoda (who knew the guy was still alive? Good job, Abe!).  So, violence against women and abuse of senior citizens!  And what was the response from NOW??

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”

That’s right!  They have not a single thing to say about it!  Need I mention anything that Go Daddy does?  (Awaiting a stream of profanity from Snarky Basterd)  Again, nothing from NOW on that either.

So, what does this mean?  I think the answer lies in two major tactics of the left.  One is that for all of their talk of “Tolerance and Diversity,” the left only tolerates their own opinion.  Have a dissenting opinion?  Well, that’s not tolerated.  The other is that rather than have a debate; the left will ridicule an opponent in an effort to make their ideas irrelevant.  After all, if the presenter of an idea is somehow “evil,” why should you consider what they have to say?  Since the left relies on deception and coercion to achieve control, actual tolerance and diversity are impossible.  There can be no other ideas-no other way.

For more information on the left’s view of “tolerance,” please take a look at Repressive Tolerance, by Herbert Marcuse.

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Tebow Derangement Syndrome?

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Imagine if you will…A woman braves medical risk to have a child.  The child grows up to be an Evangelical Christian, and an All-American quarterback that leads his team to two BSC Championships.  It’s kind of a heartwarming story…right?

Well, not so, according to “several women’s groups.”  You see, Focus on the Family plans on running a Super Bowl commercial featuring Tim Tebow’s story.  But, the “several women’s groups,” in true “progressive” fashion, has taken it upon themselves to urge CBS not to run the ad.  Of course, I’m forgetting that these groups are far smarter than myself, and they know more than anyone else that America doesn’t need to see that advertisement!

Here’s coverage of the situation from Newsbusters.

“An ad that uses sports to divide rather than to unite has no place in the biggest national sports event of the year – an event designed to bring Americans together,” said Jehmu Greene, president of the New York-based Women’s Media Center.

Yeah, “brings Americans together,” unless they disgree with you, right?

… “By offering one of the most coveted advertising spots of the year to an anti-equality, anti-choice, homophobic organization, CBS is aligning itself with a political stance that will damage its reputation, alienate viewers, and discourage consumers from supporting its shows and advertisers,” the letter said.

OK, this paragraph is directly out of the “progressive” playbook.   Insult your opponent with inflammatory terms so people will ignore the message, and pay attention to the smear.  Then, threaten the boycott to insure that the message never get’s out.  Well played, except we know the playbook, and more and more people are seeing through it.

Sadly, I think that CBS will cave and not run the ad.

The “progressives” aren’t interested in hearing other points of view.  They don’t want you to hear them either.  To gain and maintain control, all other points of view must be marginalized, censored, and punished.

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